Quote from Robaku90 on July 12, 2024, 11:03 am

❤❤❤❤

Quote from Sigrun on August 21, 2024, 1:20 pm

A new chapter! 🙂 Here are links to AO3 and ff.net

I'm still looking for a beta so if anyone's interested in editing next chapters, let me know.

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Chapter 6

A New Home

“Severus, please,” Dr Shephard was almost begging. “Just one meeting. You don’t have to talk much; just listen to her.”

Dr Shephard had been trying to convince Severus to talk with a psychologist for a few days now. He wanted the meeting to take place before Severus’s testimony, but day after day, the boy blatantly refused.

“I want to release you from the hospital tomorrow, but I can’t do that if you don’t talk with a psychologist,” Dr Shephard tried again.

“You won’t release me if I don’t talk to her?” asked Severus.

Dr Shephard seized his chance and nodded. In truth, he would release Severus either way (and he felt bad for lying to him), but he really wanted the boy to agree.

Severus scowled at the doctor. “Right, then I’ll meet with the psychologist. But I'm not going to tell her anything.”

Dr Shephard almost ran out of the room, before Severus could change his mind. He returned two minutes later with an elegant woman in her forties. She smiled kindly at Severus and sat down in a chair next to his bed.

“Good morning, Severus. I'm Anita Smith. I’m a psychologist, and I work with children and teenagers. Thank you for agreeing to talk with me today.” Severus nodded in greeting. Ms Smith turned to Dr Shephard who was standing beside her. “I think you can leave now, Daniel.”

“Yes, yes, of course,” the doctor reflected, leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

Ms Smith turned back to the dark-haired boy. “So, Severus, could you tell me more about yourself so I can get to know you better?”

Severus looked at her curiously, with a strange glint in his eyes. “I’m a wizard,” he said in a serious voice. “I can fly on a broom and do magic.”

He almost laughed out loud seeing Ms Smith’s surprised expression. She obviously hadn’t expected that.

“That’s- that’s interesting,” she tried to collect herself. Dr Shephard hadn’t told her that the boy was delusional. “Could you tell me more?”

Severus smirked. “That was a joke. I wanted to see how you’d react. I'm sorry. Obviously, I’m not a wizard.”

“Okay, you nailed that joke, I admit. And it lets me know that you have a good sense of humour. What else can you tell me about yourself?”

“What would you like to know?”

“You can tell me about things you like - about your friends, your school,” Ms Smith suggested.

Severus thought for a while. He didn’t want to tell her anything too personal and obviously he couldn’t tell her the truth about the school. She would send him to a mental hospital if he did.

“Well, I like Elvis Presley. I like reading and going to the cinema. At school, I’m good at history and... chemistry.” Severus made that up on the spot. He hoped she wouldn’t ask him any questions about chemistry or Muggle history.

“I heard you go to a boarding school?”

“Yes, it’s located in Scotland.”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s a good school,” Severus said. “I learn a lot. Teachers are competent. Well, most of them.”

“What about your friends?”

“There’s Lily. We met when we were nine, here in Cokeworth. We've been best friends ever since. We go to school together. We’ve been a couple since March.” Severus smiled at the memory.

“It’s great,” Ms Smith said. “Could you tell me more about Lily? What's she like?”

“She’s -” Perfect, Severus wanted to say. “She’s smart, kind, funny, beautiful. She's been a real support for me over the years.”

Ms Smith nodded and wrote something down in her notebook. “Do you have other friends?”

“Um... not really,” Severus muttered, somewhat ashamed. “I like Petunia, Lily’s older sister, but we don’t go to school together so I only see her during the summer. I have classmates; some of them are alright, but I won’t call them friends.”

“Could you tell me about your relationship with your parents?”

Here we go, Severus thought. She wanted to put him off guard - lull him with her pointless questions about school and friends - before asking what really interested her the most.

“I don’t want to talk about them,” Severus said softly.

“Why not?”

Severus snorted. “You know everything, right? What happened to me? What my father did?”

“Yes, Dr Shephard told me that you’d been beaten and sexually assaulted,” said Ms Smith. 

“Then you should know why I don’t want to talk about my parents, especially my father,” said Severus, not bothering to keep rudeness out of his voice.

“It’s good to talk about traumatic events with others. It doesn’t have to be me. It can be someone else, preferably someone close to you,” said Ms Smith.

“I talked a bit with Lily about this,” admitted Severus. “But I don’t want to burden her too much.”

“I understand. It's wonderful that you have a loved one who is willing to listen and support you. It's very important to have someone like that. It’ll help you to heal. But Lily is very young and I think this situation is also difficult for her; she may not yet have the skills to deal with it herself. It's very wise that you don’t want to burden her too much, that you want to protect her. I think Lily would also benefit from a meeting with a psychologist.”

“She’s had one already. She said it’d helped her a lot and tried to persuade me to agree to meet with you,” said Severus begrudgingly.

“Wise girl,” Ms Smith smiled. “However, you should talk with an adult. Maybe with Lily’s parents? They're your foster parents now; I've talked with them, and I know that they think about you as their own son. A parent is someone you should feel you can trust; someone who listens to you and helps you whenever you need.”

“Lily’s parents are great, and I know they love me, and I love them, too. They know everything that happened – they were present during my testimony – they've been a huge support for me, but - I don’t know them that well. I don’t think I feel comfortable telling them everything - telling them how I feel about all this -

“Sometimes it’s easier to talk with a stranger,” said Ms Smith. “We, psychologists, are trained how to professionally help patients with traumas. I'm here to listen to you, to teach you how to understand your feelings, and how to cope with your difficult past. But I can’t do anything if you don’t want my help.”

“It’s just - I don’t think I need all this psychological stuff. I'm fine, really. I don’t want to talk about my feelings and emotions. I never do that. It’s a waste of time.”

“It’s not. Believe me, it helps a lot. But I understand that it may be hard. If you’ve never shared your feelings and thoughts with others, it is difficult to suddenly start doing it.” Ms Smith appraised Severus for a while. “Why don’t we try it a little bit? Just a few questions, so you may see how ‘this psychological stuff’ works. What do you say?”

Severus scowled. She didn’t give up easily. He nodded reluctantly, thinking that if he answered a few of her stupid questions, this whole meeting would end a lot quicker.

“Alright, then,” said Ms Smith. “What do you feel when you think about your father?”

“Anger,” answered Severus. “Pain. Sadness.”

Ms Smith waited for a while, wanting Severus to elaborate, but the boy went silent. “And this anger -” she prompted him, “- is it towards you father or also towards someone else?”

Severus thought for a while. “Mainly towards my father. But sometimes I'm also angry at my mother. She could’ve done something to protect us from his abuse. She had means but she refused to use them. I love her but she did nothing to stop him and I resent her for that.” Severus was silent for a moment. “I feel angry at myself, too.”

“Why? Do you blame yourself for what happened?” asked Ms Smith.

“No, I don’t blame myself. It's all my father’s fault; he was too strong for me to fight him. But I could have told someone about my situation at home. Yes, he threatened me that if I said anything to anyone, he would lock me in my room forever, but I could have told Lily’s parents. They would’ve never let me return to him. Or I could have gone to the police or social work.”

“Do you know why you didn’t do any of that?”

“I guess I was too proud to admit to anyone that I was being abused. I didn’t want to burden Lily and her family with my problems. I thought that the police or social workers would just ignore me. Now I know they would’ve helped me. If I had told anyone, I wouldn’t have suffered so much. That's why I’m angry at myself.”

“It’s very wise and mature, what you’ve said. To see and admit to one’s mistakes is something many people struggle with. Most tend to blame everything on others and fail to see their own faults. That’s not to say that you’re to blame for anything in this situation and I’m glad that you understand that. As you said, it’s your father’s fault, he was stronger, he threatened you, he had power and control over you in every aspect. In difficult and traumatic situations people sometimes forget that there are ways in which they can help themselves. Or they are too ashamed to ask for help, seeing it as a weakness. But sometimes asking for help takes more courage than enduring everything alone.”

Severus just shrugged, not wanting to admit that she had a point.

“And how do you feel now?” Ms Smith asked.

“Irritated,” Severus said swiftly.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to talk with you,” said Severus.

Ms Smith just smiled slightly. “How have you felt this past week, since you woke up after the surgery and learned that your father had been arrested?”

“Great. Excellent, even. I can’t remember the last time I was so happy. If it wasn’t for my mother’s death, everything would be perfect. But she died a few months ago and I had some time to accept it, so it doesn’t sadden me so much anymore.”

“How do you sleep? Do you have nightmares?”

“No, I don’t” Severus answered, perhaps too quickly to be believable. It was a lie; he had nightmares very often - about werewolves, about his father. The worst were dreams in which he joined the Dark Lord, lost Lily and then became responsible for her death. They were sometimes so real that he was badly shaken for a few days afterwards. But he wasn’t going to share that with a woman he barely knew.

“Do you experience flashbacks? When something, for example a sound, a smell, reminds you of a traumatic experience, makes you relive that situation again?” Ms Smith asked another question.

“No, I haven’t experienced anything like that. Not yet,” answered Severus, this time truthfully.

“Any panic attacks?”

“No,” Severus said again. “See? I'm fine, really. I don’t need any psychological help.”

Ms Smith again just smiled. Severus had a sudden strong urge to wipe that smile off her face.

“Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?” Ms Smith asked gently.

“No, never,” said Severus. Despite everything his father and Potter’s gang had done to him, he’d never, not even once, thought of ending his life. He still had Lily, still had hope that in a few years he would be free of their abuse. He considered suicide a weakness, an easy way out.

“When you think about your future, are you positive or negative about it?”

Severus couldn’t answer her question truthfully. He couldn’t tell her about the war in the wizarding world, or the constant bullying from the four Gryffindor boys, or the ever-growing pressure from some Slytherin housemates to join the Dark Lord after school, or the alienation he received from those Slytherins when he had admitted before summer break that he didn't want to become a Death Eater anymore.

Having decided that it was pointless to continue their conversation if he couldn’t be honest, Severus answered: “Positive, I think. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to carry on with our meeting. I’m tired and I really don’t see a point in those questions. Can we finish this?”

“If that’s what you want,” said Ms Smith. “Thank you for your time and for answering some of my questions. You're a smart and brave young man, Severus. You seem to handle this situation pretty well. You understand and control your emotions, though you tend to keep them to yourself. It's good that you have love and support from Lily and her parents; it’s a great asset. However, I’m worried about your school; I think there’s a lot you haven’t told me about it. I hope you’ll get support from your classmates and teachers once you’re back there.

“Still, I think you will benefit greatly from psychotherapy. It doesn’t have to be long; a few months of regular meetings should suffice. You don’t have to decide right now, but I want you to give it a thought. You may think you don’t need it, but in a few weeks or months you might change your mind. I'm willing to conduct your psychotherapy but I live here - in Cokeworth - so once you’re in Scotland, it’ll be impossible for us to meet. But if you decide to undergo a therapy, I can recommend a few specialists that work near your school.”

“I’ll talk with my headmaster; I’m sure he’ll be able to arrange something,” said Severus. “If I ever decide that I need it.”

“Alright, then.” Ms Smith gathered her notes and stood up. “I’ll leave my contact details with your foster parents. If you want to talk again before you go back to school, don’t hesitate to contact me. I wish you all the best, Severus. Goodbye.”

“Thank you, goodbye,” Severus said and watched as Ms Smith left the room. As the door closed, he gave a great sigh of relief. Just as he had suspected, this meeting had been completely pointless, moreover extremely unpleasant. He would never agree to therapy. He would rather spend a week locked in a room with Potter and Black than talk with some psychologist about his past and analyse his emotions and thoughts.

---

Ten days after the surgery, Severus was released from the hospital. His blood results were back to normal and thankfully tests for sexually transmitted diseases came back negative. His nose was healing nicely and Dr Shephard removed the dressing from it but cautioned Severus to avoid contact sports and fights for a few weeks. The surgery wound was healing without any complications but Dr Shepard decided to leave the sutures for a few more days.

Mr Evans picked up Severus and together they drove home, making a short stop to buy some groceries. As soon as they parked on the driveway, Lily burst out of the front door of the house and helped Severus out of the car. He didn’t really need help, his wound didn’t hurt except when he moved too suddenly, but he let Lily help him to humour her.

“Welcome home, Severus.” Lily couldn’t contain her excitement when she led Severus into the house. The house that, from now on, Severus could call his home.

Inside, he was greeted by Petunia and Lily’s mother. They both hugged him (Severus couldn’t remember if he had ever shared a hug with Petunia), and Laura asked if he was hungry.

“No, I ate breakfast in the hospital,” Severus said.

“You must be tired of the hospital food. I imagine it can’t be very tasty,” said Laura.

“It was fine. I’m not picky.”

“I can make you scrambled eggs. You like them, right? Or sausages and toasts, if you prefer. Or -”

“Mum, Severus said he’s not hungry,” Lily interrupted her mother.

“He’s a teenage boy. They’re always hungry. And after not eating properly for a month and after a major surgery he needs a lot of food. He's much too thin.”

“I’m alright, really,” said Severus quickly. He didn’t like when people commented on his weight. “I’m not hungry, I promise. I'll let you know when I am.”

Laura looked at him sceptically but said no more. Lily took Severus’s hand and dragged him upstairs.

“Come on, Sev. You must see your new room.”

They entered the guest bedroom, in which Severus had slept a few times over the years. He stood mesmerized on the threshold and looked at the room which was now his. The room was bright, with beige carpet and blue curtains. On the wall above the bed hung a big Elvis poster. The bed and the wardrobe in the corner weren’t new; the Evanses had bought them a few years ago when renovating the house. But they had got Severus a completely new desk and a chair that stood by the window looking out over the garden. On the desk he saw his wand and two photographs, newly framed: one with him and Lily, taken during their fourth year by one of her friends; the second photograph was of his mother, a Muggle picture taken shortly after Severus’s birth. Lily must have found it in his old desk's drawer.

On the new bookshelves, Severus saw his books and other possessions taken from Spinner’s End. To his utter surprise, there was also a shiny new record player and, next to it, a stack of vinyls. Severus didn’t own a stack of records; he had only five. He started looking through them.

“What is that?” he asked.

“That, I think,” said Lily, standing next to him, “is every single Elvis record they had in the music store. I told Mum it would be nice to buy you an album or two, but it seems she bought every one you didn’t have.”

“And a new record player.”

“That was Dad’s idea. He said that good music deserved good equipment.”

“But it’s too much...”

“No, it’s not.” Laura came in with a plate full of sandwiches. Lily rolled her eyes. “It’s a welcome home gift, Severus. I admit, I may have got a bit carried away in the music store, but I didn’t know which albums were the best, so I took everything you didn’t already have.”

“Thank you,” Severus said. He felt like a broken record. They were giving him so much and the only thing he could do was thank them. “Thank you for the new room, furniture, and everything. But honestly, it’s too much. I know you said you can afford it but these -” he gestured at the player and the records. “I don’t actually need these at the moment. They must’ve been expensive and I don’t want you to spend so much on me.”

“Sit down, Severus; we have to make some things clear.” As Severus sat down on the bed, Laura put the plate with an array of small sandwiches in his hands. “Eat, I want this plate empty.” Lily lingered near the door for a moment, then sat down next to Severus and took a sandwich, ignoring her mother’s knowing smile.

“I want you to understand our financial situation,” Laura said, sitting down on the chair and addressing the boy. “You come from different social background and your attitude towards money varies from ours. I want you to know that, while we’re not rich, we’re very comfortable. Richard and I have stable and good-paying jobs, and buying you a record player and some vinyls isn’t going to ruin us.”

“But you’ve bought me so much more,” Severus said.

“Yes, you’re a member of our family now, and we want you to have new and nice things, same as our daughters. In the beginning, we need to buy you many things; it’s understandable, and we can easily afford it. You needn’t worry about money; it’s our responsibility. When we buy something, rest assured that we can afford the expense.”

“Okay,” said Severus, a bit reassured. “It’s difficult for me to accept all these new stuff when all my life we had to count every penny while my father spent money on alcohol.”

“I know, Severus,” Laura said, smiling sadly. “You’re also going to get pocket money, a pound every week and some galleons for your stay at Hogwarts. As your foster parents, we get some allowance from the government and we decided to deposit that money in a bank account. Once you’re eighteen that account will be yours. Lily and Petunia also have such bank accounts. You’ll have some money when you decide to start living on your own.”

What Laura didn’t tell Severus was that they were putting some extra money in Severus’s bank account, in addition to what they received for fostering him.

“It doesn’t mean that you have to leave us once you’re of age,” Laura continued. “You can live with us as long as you want, especially if you decide to continue education after Hogwarts. And even when you’re independent, we’ll always be ready to help, whenever you may need us.”

“Thank you.” Once again, Severus didn’t know what else to say. He took a sandwich, while Lily helped herself to her third one.

“Lily, didn’t you eat breakfast?” asked Laura and sighed when Lily just shrugged in response. “I guess teenage girls are always hungry, just like teenage boys. Do you have any questions, Severus? Ask anything.”

“Yes, actually, I do have quite a few questions. I want to know what rules I have to obey in your household. What chores do I have?”

“Rules... there aren’t many. You can’t drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes until you’re eighteen. Of course, no drugs of any kind.”

Severus vehemently nodded. “Yes, of course.”

“You have to return home no later than nine, and when you leave the house you should tell someone where you’re going.” Laura looked sternly at both Lily and Severus. “I know you love each other and you’re teenagers with buzzing hormones, but I don’t want to become a grandmother just now. So, nothing more than kissing between you both until you’re out of Hogwarts at least, understood?”

“Mum!” Lily glared at her mother. Severus just nodded, blushing deeply, and not looking at either Lily or her mother.

“When it comes to chores,” Laura continued, “you should keep your room clean. Lily and Petunia take turns in vacuuming the house, so you’ll share that duty with them. Also some other works around the house and garden, like mowing the grass or raking leaves. Usually Richard and I do those things, I love gardening and Richard does most of home repairs, but sometimes we need help.”

“I’ll gladly help,” Severus said eagerly. “What about laundry? Washing dishes?”

“I do the laundry and we have a dishwasher.”

“I can cook. I’m quite good at that.”

“If you want to cook something you’re welcome to, but I don’t expect you to prepare meals for a whole family every day. Severus, you have holidays, you deserve some rest after the difficult school year and exams, not to mention the last month with your father. There're really not many chores for you and you must remember that you’re still recovering from the surgery. You cannot exert yourself too much.”

Severus hesitated before asking the next question: “What about punishments if I misbehave?”

“I hope you know we don’t use corporal punishments. We’ll never hit you or withhold food from you or lock you in your room. If you really misbehave, we may take away your pocket money for a few weeks, give you additional chores or deny you some entertainment, like going out with friends.”

Severus smiled mirthlessly. “Well, I don’t have any friends in Cokeworth beside Lily and Petunia.”

“Anyway, don’t worry about punishments. I'm sure Lily told you that we are quite lenient. In fact, I can’t remember the last time we gave a punishment to either Lily or Petunia.”

“I remember,” said Lily resentfully. “I was thirteen and Dad caught me smoking with Emily. You suspended my pocket money for a month and made me clean the whole house for two weeks.”

“Well, you can’t say you didn’t deserve that,” said Laura. “If you don’t have any more questions, Severus, rest a bit and eat these sandwiches. Lily, leave something for Severus,” Laura admonished her daughter as Lily reached for yet another sandwich. “If you feel up to it, I want us to go shopping in the afternoon. We need to buy you some clothes and shoes. It'll be good if you make a list of other things you may need. In a few days we’ll go to London and buy you new robes and other school supplies.”

Severus nodded and said: “I want to go to Spinner’s End and take some more things from there. Can we do it today?”

“I’m sorry but your house is currently being searched by the police. I asked the officer when he thinks they're going to finish but he couldn’t tell me. I promise, we’ll go there as soon as possible.”

Severus nodded and took another sandwich. Laura smiled and stood up but before she left the room, they heard a shriek from downstairs.

“LILY!” shouted Petunia. “There’s an owl here! With a letter!”

“Take a letter from it!” Lily shouted back.

“No way! It’ll bite me!”

Laughing, Lily and Severus went downstairs to rescue Petunia.

Quote from Robaku90 on August 26, 2024, 9:51 am

Cóż za smutna, ale pełna nadziei na lepsze jutro opowieść. Mam nadzieję, że Tobiasz zdechnie w męczarniach za to, co zrobił synowi. Cieszę się, że Severus ma u Ciebie takie silne wsparcie rodziny Evans! Z niecierpliwością czekam na dalszą część! Co za historia! 😪

 

What a sad story, but full of hope for a better tomorrow. I hope Tobiasz dies in agony for what he did to his son. I'm glad Severus has such strong support from the Evans family! I'm looking forward to the next part! What a story! 😪