Quote from Naaga on July 17, 2023, 3:50 am

Source: “Friendzoned”

Suggesting that Snape joined the Death Eaters because he was “friendzoned” by Lily Evans is a fundamental misreading of the Harry Potter series.

There was no pity in Lily’s voice. “It’s too late. I’ve made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t even deny that’s what you’re all aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?”  He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking. “I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.” 

If Lily is correct in her assessment of the situation, then the breakup of their friendship had little bearing on his politics.  The true tragedy of Snape was that he was already on his way to becoming a Death Eater whilst they were still friends.

Lily made excuses for his behaviour, evidently believing that he was making an out-of-character misstep with his beliefs, and that he’d eventually come to his senses.  Eventually, he uses a slur against her directly, and she draws a line.

“You’ve chosen your way.”  

There are many reasons why Snape may have been drawn to the Death Eaters, such as:

• his unhappy upbringing, with parents in a mixed magical/Muggle marriage
• his ‘doesn’t like anything much’ angry, domineering Muggle father
• his potential friendships with his Slytherin housemates
• in a world where the Slug Club existed, him quickly realising that networking was his only way out of living in poverty in the Muggle world
• thus, potentially being groomed by older housemates, such as Lucius Malfoy - the “lapdog” reference by Sirius suggests strongly towards this
• the animosity between Snape and the Marauders, who were openly advocating as being anti-Death Eater (the enemy of your enemy is your friend)
• the apparent lack of reaction from Dumbledore when Snape was almost tricked into walking into his death, putting Snape at odds with Dumbledore - who was the leader of the opposition
• arguably, the constant bullying wore him down to a point where he desired power and status as a method of making others finally admire him

Losing Lily’s friendship may have caused him to throw away any lingering doubts about joining - if she was the only reason why he didn’t fully commit to the cause, if she was no longer his friend, then perhaps he had no reason not to sign up.

…but it was not simply ‘because Lily spurned him’.

It’s also highly likely that once she started to date James, Snape would believe that her judgement was clouded - if she could date someone as awful (and make no mistake, no matter how James behaved towards others, the way he treated Snape was appalling) as James, then what else was she wrong about?

To Snape’s horror, he soon found out that he had been misled and that Lily had been correct all along.  It is to Snape’s credit that he attempted to right his wrongs once the penny finally dropped with him.

When he met with Dumbledore, he was risking death for disloyalty (as we saw with Regulus and Karkaroff).  Snape had already begged the Dark Lord to spare her, yet he evidently didn’t trust him to do so.

When Lily dies, Snape wishes that he was dead - I’d argue that he expected to die during that year, whether at the hand of Dumbledore for daring to meet him, or at the hand of the Dark Lord for daring to defect, or at any point along the way if he was discovered as being a spy and a traitor, but he truly believed that by putting his faith in Dumbledore, Lily would be saved.

But, as the world is cruel, it was Lily who would die instead whilst he lived on.  With the guilt of her death heavy on his shoulders, Snape began a life of effective servitude, preparing to be thrust back into the war once it resumed, repeatedly atoning for his sins as a youth by his heroic actions in the war, saving the lives of all those he could.

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I’ve been a feminist writer and literary critic for a little over a decade and the idea that “Snape was friendzoned,” in the context that the Harry Potter fandom uses it to “analyze” the character of Snape, is honestly one of the most inaccurate character interpretations I’ve encountered, in my opinion. Not to mention, it is also one of those unfortunate examples of how a fanon idea can catch on and end up being uncritically passed around as accepted canon by a fandom courtesy of the type of mob-mentality fandoms can sometimes tend to cultivate. However you look at it, Severus Snape does not fit the modern understanding/criteria of what it means to be a “friendzoned” male archetype at all. In fact, I would argue that canon utterly contradicts any reading of the kind, which is no surprise given that most of fandom has been attempting to force a more modern bit of feminist discourse onto a character written in the 1990s when these concepts were not yet very broadly examined (in the 1990s, the concept of the “friendzone” not only could have a more gender-neutral application, in that it was used for men and women to signify when someone was seemingly “unlucky” in love, but even the context of “friendzone” as we recognize it today more specific to men who display entitlement and/or form seemingly platonic friendships with women with the ulterior motive of it later becoming a romantic/sexual relationships popular feminist discourse had not quite caught up to the point it has now to recognize the issues represented in the “friendzone” as it applies to gender dynamics and relationships).

Importantly, Snape developed a platonic relationship with Lily when they were very young children. So, unless one wants to make the very problematic argument that Rowling wrote a YA series with a hypersexual child character who contrived to befriend Lily for an ulterior motive (in which case, we would also need to unpack the psychological reasons a child character of nine might have developed hypersexuality and considering that the most common reason would likely be that they had experienced sexual abuse we would also need to reexamine Rowling’s decision to have James and Sirius expose Snape’s underwear and potentially his genitalia or for Lupin to instruct Neville on how to “force” Boggart-Snape into older women’s clothing) we have to acknowledge that Snape’s friendship with Lily did not begin under any false pretenses. As a child, Snape merely wanted to befriend a young girl who was like him, in that she showed early signs of magical talent. Ergo, his intentions for forming a friendship with Lily were innocent in that they were the motivations of a young child not that of a predatory adult male who saw Lily as a sexual conquest.

Now, while one could certainly theorize that Snape later developed less platonic feelings for Lily as they matured into adolescence even the nature of the type of love that Snape may have felt for Lily is ambiguous. That is, canon only confirms for us that Snape loved Lily. Beyond that, canon does not clarify (i.e. specifically state) if Snape’s love for Lily was romantic or if Snape loved Lily solely for being Lily. Indeed, one could just as easily make an argument that Snape’s love for Lily was more about her as a person than any romantic feelings he had for her because: (a. Rowling chose to have Voldemort (who canonically does not understand love in any of its many forms) misinterpret Snape’s love for Lily as more of a selfish and/or sexual desire only so Harry could dispute it and (b. because canon also informs us that only “pure love” can produce a Patronus that represents a beloved person. Of course, we can use the same canonical evidence and compare Snape’s love for Lily to Tonk’s love for Remus and argue that his love for her was indeed romantic in nature but also still pure and unselfish. Regardless, canon not only fails to support the idea that Snape’s feelings for Lily were problematic, selfish, tainted, creepy, wrong, or obsessive but even actively rejects it by having Voldemort make the same inaccurate conclusions some of fandom has about why Snape loved Lily (i.e. because he “desired” her) and through his Patronus (which is no more a sign of obsession or something problematic as Tonk’s Patronus was).

Thus, we cannot say that Snape formed a friendship with Lily with ulterior motives or expectations. Canon does not provide us with concrete evidence as to the nature of the love that Snape felt for Lily, only that he loved her. Moreover, canon actively disputes the idea that Snape’s feelings for Lily were solely about a more selfish and/or sexual desire and supports the idea that his love for her, whether romantic or platonic, was likely pure enough that his Patronus could match her own. Just from that, we have a difficult time fitting Snape into the role of the modern “friendzoned” male archetype. However, canon even further contradicts this reading in several ways. First, because there is no evidence that Snape ever made any romantic feelings he may have had for Lily known to her as the memories we are shown only have Lily and Snape speaking of their relationship in terms of their friendship. Secondly, when Snape’s apology to Lily is not enough to save their friendship and she makes the choice to cut ties canon provides us with strong evidence that Snape did not continue to try to make contact with Lily. Indeed, he appears to have respected her decision to end their friendship and, for all of his loathing of James Potter, goes so far as to acknowledge her marriage to another man by respectfully referring to her as “Lily Potter” rather than “Lily Evans” in his later conversations with Dumbledore.

All of these things point to a lack of entitlement on his part. Snape does not demonstrate any bitterness or presumption regarding his “rights” to Lily as a person and he does not deny her agency (that is not to say that Snape is not a bitter character only that what bitterness we see is mostly aimed at the Marauders for the bullying they subjected him to, his own circumstances in life, and his bitter regret for the role he played in Lily’s death). When she ends their friendship, Snape does not attempt to scheme, manipulate, or force further contact. When she marries his school bully, Snape does not invalidate her choice by using her maiden name. He acknowledges the choice she made by using the surname she took from James, which signifies he also is acknowledging her marriage to James and the fact she is someone else’s wife. A man who feel entitled to a woman would not acknowledge her choice to be with another man because she “belongs” to him. Indeed, the very act of referring to her as Lily Potter is effectively Snape acknowledging he has no claim to Lily and that James is the person who she wanted in her life.

Most important of all, Snape does not deliver the portion of the prophecy he overhears to Voldemort to hurt Lily or as retaliation for her rejection. We know this because the moment that he realizes the prophecy has placed Lily in danger he asks Voldemort to spare her life (the life of a Muggleborn woman who has “thrice defied him”) at great personal risk to himself. Even further, he goes the extra measure of contacting the enemy (i.e. Dumbledore) to try to further guarantee her safety and, as a result, pledges to do “anything” to ensure that Dumbledore “hide them all” by the end of their fated meeting (i.e. despite his initial focus on saving just Lily, Snape does not attempt to hedge, argue, or negotiate around Dumbledore protecting all of the Potters in exchange for his defection and work as a spy, which you would expect if his ultimate goal was to have Lily to himself). These are not the measures a man who was bitter about being rejected or “friendzoned” by a woman would take. If Snape truly felt entitled to Lily then canon should have supported that by having Snape look out for his own interests far more definitively. That is, Snape could have easily gone to Voldemort and arranged for him to spare her because “he desired her” for himself as Voldemort assumed and left it there because while he wanted/desired her she was not worth him compromising his position among the Death Eaters by groveling before a dangerous enemy like Dumbledore and agreeing to make him his master. Alternatively, he could even have tried to use his knowledge of what Voldemort was planning as leverage and approached Lily to give her an ultimatum; leave her family and agree to be with him in exchange for information or refuse him and let her family die. Either would have aligned with classic tropes of the selfish male antagonist (think Gaston from Beauty and the Beast) and perfectly fit with the psyche of the modern “friendzoned” male archetype who feels entitled to the women they form dishonest relationships with.

In canon, Snape’s choices do not advantage him. They certainly do not bring him any closer to “having Lily.” The very fact that he continues to work under Dumbledore as a spy following Lily’s death is the final nail in the coffin of any solid arguments regarding Snape as a “friendzoned” archetype. Furthermore, while it may certainly be indicative of Snape’s survivor’s guilt (e.g. as noted, he does wish he were dead upon learning his best efforts failed to keep Lily alive) they certainly undermine any arguments regarding obsession or entitlement. A man who has objectified a woman, who feels he is “owed” her as if she were property, does not undermine his own best interests for her sake to the extent that Snape does during the first war and on into the second. Snape not only does not seek to retaliate against Lily or punish her for rejecting him (i.e. had he known the portion of the prophecy he overheard would endanger her he would presumably not have brought it to Voldemort even if the act of doing so would have benefited him) but his guilt and remorse over the role he played in her death is significant enough that he agrees to maintain his role as a spy for more than a decade and protect the child who symbolized a union between a person he loved and his childhood bully long after she had died and removed all possibility of a reconciliation. Had Snape properly felt entitled to Lily, upon her death he would have abandoned the cause and Harry because in absence of her as a conquest he had no further motivation and no reason to go out of his way for the child she had with another man.

Ultimately, none of the canon surrounding Snape supports a strong interpretation of him as a “friendzoned” archetype (at least, not without a liberal amount of cherrypicking between film and book canon and a rather healthy dose of confirmation bias).

• His friendship with Lily is formed at a young age and without the necessary suggestion of any ulterior motive or sexual desire.
• While it is canon that Snape loved Lily the nature of that love (i.e. platonic, romantic, etc.) is far more ambiguous.
• However, Rowling does provide observant readers with strong evidence that Snape’s love for Lily was, in the very least, not just a matter of selfish desire but that it was also likely pure enough for him to conjure a Patronus to match her own.
• Even if Snape’s love for Lily was romantic in nature nowhere in canon do we have evidence of Snape making his feelings for Lily known or of him actively attempting to pursue her romantically. Rather, we only have evidence of them discussing their relationship in the context of their existing friendship.
• When Lily ends their friendship and begins a relationship with James canon gives us strong evidence that Snape respected her agency by not attempting to contact her any further and addressing her as Lily Potter versus Lily Evans, which contradicts any suggestions that Snape felt entitled to Lily. Logically speaking, if he saw her as “his” he would have been far more likely to reject her marriage to James and persist in referring to her as the Lily Evans he knew and felt he had a claim to.
• Snape does not attempt to retaliate against Lily for her rejection. Instead, when he learns that the prophecy he delivered to Voldemort would endanger her he actively goes against his own best interests to try to ensure her safety.
• When that fails and Lily dies he continues to serve as a spy under Dumbledore with the sole motive of protecting Lily’s son, who serves as a symbolic reminder of the union between Lily and another man who also doubled as a school bully and alleged rival, which more strongly suggests guilt and an effort of penance than an obsession. Indeed, Snape stood to gain nothing the moment Lily died. Were his motives selfish then the absence of Lily as an object of conquest should have been the end of his willingness to involve himself further. Snape’s role in the war did not benefit him, did not bring him closer to Lily as an object of conquest, and ultimately culminated in him being vilified and brutally murdered by one of his two masters once he had served his purpose. One could argue that Snape’s love for Lily was selfless and even self-sacrificing given the choices he made after her death.

Overall, the limited degree of discourse surrounding the problematic nature of the “friendzone” as we understand it today at the point when Rowling was writing the series makes it highly unlikely that that was an intended trope for his character on her part. If I were to theorize, the fact that Rowling has frequently stated in interviews that the ending of Jane Austen’s Emma was one of the best twists in literature and something she aspired to in the Harry Potter series, then I would suggest that her likely intention with Snape and his relationship with Lily was something along the same line as the twist ending of Emma, wherein Emma is shocked to learn of George Knightley’s love for her. Likewise, Harry and the reader are meant to be surprised by the twist that Snape who, up to that point, was portrayed in an utterly irredeemable light could not only still be capable of love but of a “pure” and selfless love for another person and Harry’s mom at that. It’s a pity that so many modern Harry Potter readers attempt to shoehorn Snape into the ill-suited role of the “friendzoned” male archetype because in doing so they’re ignoring the context of canon and missing out on one of the major purposes of Rowling’s twist for his character. He was never meant to be a “friendzoned” archetype (or, arguably, even a Byronic romantic hero) --Severus Snape was a lesson on the complexity of human nature, the importance of compassion and empathy, and Rowling’s echo/homage to Austen’s own call for the virtue of penetration in life and literature.