"The Gestaltation of Severus Snape" (Severus Snape/Lily Evans) M/E
Characters/Pairings: Severus/Lily
Ratings/Warnings: Mature, Mature Adult/Explicit (depending on FFN or AO3 version)
Summary: After his death, Severus Snape is granted a chance to return to the past and atone for his sins, with one notable restriction: he must share a body with his younger self.
Currently a WIP, as I write and post in bursts. You can read it on FFN or AO3.
Damn, this sounds right up my alley! I'm finishing up NaNoWriMo right now, but I'll be sure to check it out as soon as I have more free time.
I've started the story and will read as often as I can; the dialogue is so true to life I was actually taken aback. You seem to be a conversational writer. Certainly, you have Dumbledore down to a tee: cryptic, elusive, contradictory... everything infuriating rolled into one, yet still with enough goodness and charm to keep you from utterly hating him. Very good!
Just posted the first chapter of Act II, Part 2. There'll be 7 chapters total for this part.
Also, I promoted the forum.
Thanks for the update (and for promoting the forum). I've been meaning to get to your story – I'll definitely start reading this afternoon!
I've read the first chapter, and damn. What a unique/fascinating premise for a story. Your characterization is also strong… I could easily picture everything you were describing, right down to tone of voice and facial expressions. Overall, this is a wonderful thing, though it does stray into "telling on top of showing" at times. I mainly noticed this in how you frame your dialogue (i.e. explaining what the character is thinking/feeling where it isn't necessary to do so).
I can elaborate if you'd like, but it's a small issue in the grand scheme of things. I really do love your writing style, and I'm impressed by your dialogue, characterization, and what is already an incredibly inventive plot line. I can't wait to read more!
I was worried about telling versus showing in the first chapter, but I figured that it wouldn't be too much of an issue in the first chapter or in conversations where characters are learning new information with each other. That being said, I've been working on balancing dialogue and exposition, and I think I've managed to improve a bit as the work has progressed.
Oh, I have no doubt you have improved, and I'm looking forward to seeing it for myself.
This is something that happens to all of us who write longer stories. We learn and grow and refine our style as we go, to the point where there's a noticeable difference between early chapters and later ones. With my stories, early chapters (and especially older works) make me cringe. I've been tempted to go back and rewrite them, though I think it's more important to keep them as they are so I can look back and see how far I've come.
I'm planning to read another chapter today if I get the chance. I'll review here, though please let me know if you'd like me to copy my reviews to AO3 and/or FFN as well.
It’s up to you where you post your reviews, although ffn and ao3 would make it easier for me to read and/or respond.
as a bit of a side note, I have bad news. My laptops having some technical difficulties, so the next chapter will be delayed
Update: I can upload onto ffn from mobile, but I’ll have to wait until my laptops fixed before I can do the same for ao3
