What is your Patronus?
I went to the Pottermore site and saw that I had already discovered my Patronus when I was 13 - 15 years old (I am now in my early 20s).
This was my Patronus back then:
According to MuggleNet , this is the meaning of the Patronus:
Swift - Although swifts can be perceived as flighty, that’s only because they have a strong sense of determination and a drive to accomplish things as quickly as possible, which makes them go from one endeavor to the next very quickly. They are hopeful, positive, and energetic and are drawn to live and work in large communities, where they find inspiration from the high spirits of others.
I retook the test today to see if my Patronus has changed through the years and it did. This is my Patronus today (I am currently in my early 20s):
Again, according to MuggleNet , this Patronus means:
Crow - The crow is a very well-known bird that some believe is an omen of dark magic. But if this is your Patronus, don’t fret! The crow is very resourceful, ambitious, and cunning. Once they set a goal, they always seem to get what they’re after. Crows are also fearless. Regardless of what sort of creature they find in the way of their goal, they will do anything they can to overpower it. They are also very smart and have been observed using tools to achieve their means. This is a Patronus anyone should be proud of having!
This, of course, eventually led to an identity crisis, because I eventually discovered that I did not know who I was at all. As my fear of everything and nothing did not allow me to (again, probably some sort of (undiagnosed) anxiety + (now confirmed) undiagnosed autism).
And this, combined with a lot of other factors, led to my depression.
Now, ever since a lot of healing and taking my antidepressants every day, I am a different person.
They say some antidepressants reduce fear and make you more impulsive (which is the case with mine) and while this is a bad thing for some, for me it has been the breath of fresh air I never knew I needed. ("...Crows are also fearless.")
For the first time, I could enjoy life without irrational fear!
And my true personality finally had room to shine through!
So now, for the crow...
Because I no longer suffer from constant irrational fear, I have discovered a lot of things about myself these past few years. Some things that sparked fear within me now make me laugh (ie spiders and snakes). I love dark humour, discovered I am a goth, even though I thought I "hated" black (probably because it was "negative" and "scary" ). Became more extroverted, developed my interests, which, surprise surprise, lay more on the gothic side / "dark" side my anxiety refused to even let me touch when I was younger. I have discovered I love horror and true crime, etc. etc. And best of all, I feel free and like I am a new person who's spirit has just taken flight for the first time. I am no longer irrationally afraid to be on my own / needing to rely on other people (I actually prefer to do things on my own now). Basically, I can now do the things I probably wish I had the "balls" to do when I was younger, but my irrational fears / prob. mental illness did not allow me to. I am finally free.
So basically, I am, ironically enough, the complete opposite person of who I once thought I was. Scary how mental illness can mess with your head like that.
So yes, my "new" personality does kinda suit a crow, doesn't it?
One of the things that I have kept of my "previous" personality (I do sometimes like to think of little me and current me as different people, as I have a bit of a resentment towards previous me. While I am currently quite an outspoken person, pre-depression me was anything but. This is to say I was in many ways the complete opposite of who I am now and current me would not be friends with the "previous" me.), is my determination. It is, in a weird way, comforting to know, that despite me disliking my previous self, I have discovered that some of my core qualities managed to show through my anxiety. I have always been very determined, ambitious and goal-oriented, which, beautifully enough, fits both Patronusses! 😀
Anyways, thank you to coming for my TedTalk. 😀
I was hoping for a cat or some feline, but this is fine too.
Though I don't really consider myself cunning or gutsy enough, ha ha. 😅
I consider for myself multiple patronuses to be honest. My Pottermore result is a mole, which I never really considered but I’m intrigued by nonetheless…
To which I found following meaning for online:
In Native American cultures the mole is a symbol of the earth, agriculture, and health. The mole is considered extremely wise because of it’s blindness; it must see without it’s eyes. In many cultures they believe it shows how one must have faith in themselves and in their abilities without being able to see what is ahead.
A mole can represent an owner who has very enhanced senses. As well as that it can represent darkness, maybe representing an owner who has been through a great deal of darkness who is still looking around for light. Having a mole as your patronus means you are often wise beyond your years and believe in what you feel, not what you see. You don’t judge a book by it’s cover, but dive below the surface to discover what is underneath. Things are not always what they seem and you are able to look through to the truth. This is an important trait in making lasting relationships that are healthy and strong or separating yourself from toxic people. You trust your instincts and have faith in yourself and others. You trust your heart over your head and understand the value of being in touch with your ‘inner eye’. When you feel unsure of yourself, hopeless or troubled, your patronus will guide you through. It will show you the path and restore your faith.
I find it very interesting and in a way, resonating despite it likely never crossing my mind as a Patronus of choice. I do really like the theme of “below the surface” kind of insight as well as its potential significance in turning traumatic experience into a different, positive meaning.
As for chosen ones… I gravitate between the two. First off, a cancrivorus raccoon.
They’ve always been a spirit and inspirational animal of mine, for a multitude of reasons. I absolutely love them, both because of resonating on their appearance and demeanor level. They also sparked my deep obsession with mustelids and procyonidae of all kind. They’re incredibly intelligent and perceptive, despite it being very unintuitive - strong beyond their body weight, often associated with filth and disease despite many virtues they could represent just as well as well as their dubious nature of both deeply solitary and capable of clumping in groups nature. Why cancrivorus subspecie in particular is mostly a reason of their habitat, diet, much longer lifespans, even more scrawny look despite being just as fierce and primarily nocturnal lifestyle. They also struck the tune of their strong sense of longing for what’s natural for them - domestication of theirs being on similar ‘success’ level as primates whereas other animals bred for fur in the past sometimes were way easier to melt into such suppression (like in case of foxes or nutrias).
Another option I consider is a white eagle. They hold a significance to me as a heraldic and historical symbol, feeling as something basically ancient. Both being Poland’s emblem and as a specie itself, Ravenclaw’s crest they also coincidentally fill both of these niches for me also making it much more personal and I also find many values to look up to - in heraldry meaning mostly power, readiness to defend certain values and one’s own belongings and leadership.
My Patronus is a scops owl according to Pottermore (they are really cute)!
