“Heavenly” Severus/Lily - Eventual M
Heavenly - Severus/Lily - Eventual M
Summary: After years of watching her former best friend sacrifice everything in the name of love, Lily is at a crossroads when the one she once knew as Sev joins her in death.
Warnings: Major character death at the beginning, no outright Hames bashing (even though I wanted to), swearing, and eventual sexual content.
***
This was the end, at last.
Lily heard Voldemort’s hissing breath. She heard her former best friend’s scream as the invisible cage containing the giant snake rolled through the air, trapping his head and shoulders. He tried in vain to push the cage away, to escape – but it was too late. The snake hissed, baring its sharp, venomous fangs – fangs that sunk into her best friend’s throat. His sallow face paled considerably, the whites of his eyes more visible as the struggle continued. There was nothing left for him to do to save his life, and there was nothing left for her to do but watch in shock and horror as this man’s painful existence came to a bloody, violent end. She watched his knees give way, watched him collapse on the ground in a trembling mass as he struggled to staunch the bloody wound at his neck. His death was not glorious or romantic or filled with the recognition he so craved. How ironic it was for him to die in the very place he’d almost been torn to pieces by a transformed Lupin in their fifth year. If her husband hadn’t saved his life…
Her husband.
James.
James, who had turned Hogwarts into an extension of the abuse and torture Snape endured at home from his father, smashing the dreams they’d fostered on warm summer days beneath the canopy of trees.
James, who had led everyone to believe that it was Snape’s fault for almost dying. He’d allowed her to believe he was grand and noble, that perhaps he wasn’t as bad as he seemed on the surface…
James, who had continued to bully Snape even after the Shrieking Shack incident, pushed his victim to the edge where that one horrible, ugly word was uttered.
Mudblood.
That early June day was the turning point that transformed him as the Severus she knew to that awful Snape boy everyone else believed him to be.
They’d gone their separate ways, but the pain of their broken friendship ran deep, masked only by her gaggle of Gryffindor friends and James’ increasingly charming attempts to woo her.
From the outside, James had seemed like a reformed man – no bullying, captain of the Quidditch team, hand-selected by Dumbledore as Head Boy, wealthy, handsome, and grossly popular. It was a fairy-tale. A dream come true. A handsome, wealthy, popular boy – and an athletic one at that – had changed for her. A muggle-born. This was more than she could ever say for Snape, someone who could barely distinguish between her and other Mudbloods. Someone who didn’t have the courage to stand up to his Slytherin friends on her behalf. A coward.
If only she had known…
And now here she was, her heart shattering to pieces, quiet tears streaming down her face, as she watched a man that was both strange and familiar fight for his life, unwilling to resign himself to a fate where he had died for nothing. She watched her son emerge from his hiding spot. As the Invisibility Cloak slipped from his head of untidy black hair, Snape’s obsidian eyes widened in shock – a revelation. What were the odds that the very boy he sought bore witness to his death, their paths colliding seconds before it was too late? It was a struggle for Snape to speak as memories bled from his eyes, nose, and ears – a last ditch effort to save the Wizarding World and, above all, her memory. Lily moved closer until she hovered above Harry’s shoulder as he collected the memories in a small flask. Snape’s eyes grew fixed, intent.
“Look… at… me,” he rasped.
It was only then Lily realized he was talking to her and not Harry. He sought her eyes, not the replica of her own. He could actually see her. After so many years of observing from the sidelines, the man she once thought she understood stared unflinchingly, longingly at her. It was time. For Harry, Ron, and Hermoine, the longer Snape gazed into the almond-shaped eyes she had bestowed upon her son, the glassier his became. On her side, however, the lines of his face smoothed, the pain etched into the sharp, angular lines of his visage faded until he was young and whole once more. Neither one could bring themselves to break eye contact for the longest time – searching, memorizing, learning – yet when they blinked in unison everything changed. The Shrieking Shack disappeared, replaced by a gurgling river, a patch of cool, green shade, and a thicket of trees. Their old secret hiding spot, a place they once sought refuge from the world and spun stories of magic and a shared future – one that had never come to pass in the way they’d envisioned. Over the years, this sacred place had fallen into ruin, strewn with rubbish. The nearby textile factory had polluted the river, one they had once played in and scouted the riverbanks for toads. Now, in this moment, there was no rubbish, no pollution, no textile factory – no reason to hide. They were alone, at a crossroads of sorts. Suddenly, the young man lying in the grass beneath her was no longer the harsh, self-disciplined professor and double agent she had observed for so long, but simply… Sev. Her Sev.
The glow of sunlight was brighter than usual, almost heavenly. It was spring. The flowers were in bloom. Birds chattered. A soft breeze caressed their skin and stirred strands of their hair, mingling them together – dark red on black. Severus blinked again, a faint line creasing his dark, heavy brow.
“Am I dreaming?” He murmured.
Her lily-white fingertips grazed his hollow cheek. “Sev…”
The horror of his final moments, juxtaposed with this idyllic dream, seemed to flash before his eyes – a lifetime of repression, neglect, abuse, and unfulfilled need. His face contorted and he burst into tears, his grip on her tightening until she felt nothing but his pain pouring into her body.
“Sev,” she rested her chin on the crown of his head, “I’m here… I’m here… It’s all over…”
He clung to her, sobs violently wracking his body as he bathed in his own tears. He clung to her like a child with no intention of ever letting go.
“I’m sorry…” He moaned. “So sorry…”
It dawned on her that he’d planned this moment for years, rehearsed in his head what he wanted to say, replayed it over and over until it became a script. In the end, he was reduced to the marrow of his bone, a grief so tangible that her tears mingled with his.
“It’s okay,” she smoothed the silky black hair from his swollen, bloodshot eyes. “I forgive you.”
He gazed at her in a blend of awe and wonder, hardly daring to believe. “How could you…?”
“How could I not?” Her thumb stroked his cheek. After a moment, she smacked his shoulder. Hard. “You could’ve been nicer to my son, though, you jumped-up little shit! God, Sev, what the hell?”
He gaped at her, horror-stricken, his mouth hanging open, one pale hand rubbing his shoulder. She delivered the sternest glare she could muster. Before he could speak, however, she dissolved into a fit of laughter and collapsed atop him, relishing the rapid beat of his heart.
A small, sardonic smile curved his thin mouth as he stared up at the canopy overhead. “It’s not my fault your kid turned out to be a little asshole.”
“Sev!” She exclaimed in warning, but it wasn’t long before they dissolved into childish laughter again.
It was like nothing had ever changed.
Lily rested her head on his chest and joined him in staring up at the canopy of leaves. The wind rustled the blooms and leaves overhead, its own kind of music.
Lily chewed her bottom lip as her heart thudded in her chest.
“So…” She began conversationally. “You’re in love with me, huh? Always have been?”
His entire body went rigid, though his heart pounded against her skull.
“What gave you that idea?” There was a small tremor in his strained voice.
“You don’t need to hide from me any longer,” she murmured. “I see you, Sev. I see all of you. You can’t hide from me, even if you tried.”
“That’s reassuring,” he snorted, though she felt the fluttering of his pulse. “Besides, don’t you have Potter?”
“Which one?” She asked.
“Potter the senior,” he said.
“He has a name, you know,” she remarked delicately.
“Not in my book,” he said stubbornly with a defiant shake of his head.
“I see the schoolboy feud is still alive and well,” she smiled to herself.
“Why wouldn’t it be?” He retorted. “After everything…”
He couldn’t bring himself to finish that sentence. A lump formed in her throat.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, to,” she said.
“For what?” He demanded tersely.
She thought for a moment. What could she say?
“Giving in to him.” This was greeted with absolute silence. She cleared her throat. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know he was still… you know. Not while we were together. I thought he’d changed.”
After a tense moment, he asked, “How much do you know?”
“Everything.”
“Ah.”
She couldn’t tell if he was reassured by this.
Before she could utter another word, he said in a tone that brooked no argument, “I don’t expect anything from you, Lily. My job is done. I’ve repaid my debt.”
The finality of his words made her eyes sting with tears.
“James is not a bad person,” she choked out. “He is a good, loving father and has been good to me, but…”
“But?” He prodded with a gentleness that was unusual for him.
Expectation tightly leashed his voice.
“The more I’ve watched, the more I’ve learned… it makes me wonder what could’ve been, you know?”
A heavy blanket of silence fell between them.
“If you think a single hour hasn’t gone by where I haven’t imagined a thousand different scenarios in which we ....” He trailed off weakly.
“James and I were so young,” she went on, nestling deeper into his armpit. “We got married right out of school, had a baby, and then simply died. We had no chance to grow up and learn from our mistakes. Would we have stayed together? Would you and I…?”
“I was too much of a fool to fight for you,” he interjected. “I was so lost. I was so deluded, so young and naive, that I thought becoming an actual Death Eater would impress you.”
She relished the staccato rise and fall of his chest. She liked this way of talking to each other — seeing without looking.
“Do you think it’s too late for us?” Her voice cracked.
She felt his head rise from the ground in shock. “Is that even a question? After what I did – .”
Lily didn’t know how to convey the transformation that had also taken place within her after years of simply watching Severus sacrifice everything for her – his love life, his dreams, his aspirations, his sanity, his happiness. She would never forget the time he’d almost lost his leg to Fluffy or how often he risked his life to save her son. As mean as he was at times, she saw through him. She knew Severus better than anyone, saw his vulnerable moments when no one was looking. She’d seen the tears drip from the tip of his hooked nose as he’d reminisced over old letters and photographs from their youth. She’d endured watching Voldemort perform the Cruciatus curse on him after he regained a human body in Harry’s fourth year. Hell, she’d just watched a giant snake sink its fangs into his neck! There hadn’t been a moment over the past two decades where he hadn’t suffered on her behalf, simply because he loved her and couldn’t stand the thought of her looking at him with the same contempt she’d delivered on the night she’d ended their friendship. How could she convey the weight of this without humiliating him?
“Say we have this one moment,” she said. “Just this one. What confessions would you make? Would you kiss or touch me?”
Severs sighed heavily. “To be honest, I would need more than a few moments to accomplish everything I’ve longed to do with you since we met on that playground.”
A thrill coursed through her.
“But we only have this one,” she reminded him, “and we need to make it count.”
Severus thought for a long moment, to the point she thought he wouldn’t answer at all.
“There was a time after our falling out…” He murmured. “We were both invited to a Slug Club dinner. You wore your hair down, loose and heavy, with the darkest shade of red lipstick that contrasted beautifully with your pale, luminescent skin. The sight of you shattered my heart and mended it in an endless cycle of death and rebirth. I wanted so badly to kiss you, to put my hands in your hair and draw you close to me. I wanted lipstick marks all over my neck and chest.”
“Sev…” She blushed furiously, her tone teasing.
“What?” He challenged. “You don’t think I’m capable of such romance? After your family took a trip to Malmaison in Paris and you read all those saucy letters Napoleon wrote to Josephine, I wrote a few of my own.”
“Those were from you?” She exclaimed, thunder-struck.
“Yep,” he said simply, puffing out his chest ever so slightly. “I altered the letter with magic so you wouldn’t recognize my handwriting.”
The things he’d written to her in those letters…
His pale hand found hers in the fragrant grass, their fingers tangling.
“Your turn,” he said quietly.
Lily rolled onto her side so that her face was pressed to his pounding heart. The rhythm was fast and irregular, his palm sweaty. She felt his free hand tangle in her thick, dark red hair. She felt her own heart throb in her chest with the absolute certainty of what she was about to say.
“I’m in love with you, Sev,” she whispered.
The lean muscles in his body coiled that much tighter. “What did you say?”
Tears leaked from her eyes, soaked up by his black, hole-ridden t-shirt.
“I’ve always loved you, but not in the way that takes my breath away when I see you or squeezes my heart until I think it might burst. I loved you as my friend, the friend that climbed through my bedroom window on stormy nights to escape your dad and curled up beside me in bed. I loved you as the boy who entertained me endlessly with his snark and bluntness. I admire your intellect, finding my match in you. After all these years, though….”
His breathing almost ceased. ‘What about James?”
At last, Lily glanced up at him. His nose was large and curved, his skin unbelievably pale and sallow. His eyes were black and intense, his brow perpetually sarcastic. The angles of his face were sharp and precise, the thin curve of his mouth almost suggestive. How many times had she watched him trace that mouth with his fingertip while deep in thought, not realizing the effect it had on her even in death?
“What about him?” She shrugged. “This is our moment, remember? The only one we will ever have.”
The wheels in his mind turned. Never diverting her bright green eyes, she brought his naked forearm where the searing Dark Mark had once been and kissed the tender flesh there, allowing her soft, petal-like lips to linger. His eyelids drooped. She slowly crawled up his body and brought her lips to the spots on his throat where the snake’s fangs had punctured, healing him with her love. He lifted his chin. She imagined he closed his eyes as a soft whimper escaped his throat. Finally, she traced the sharp, curved edge of his nose before bringing her lips to his, soft and tentative. The moment their lips touched, something snapped within her best friend, this boy who once dueled her in the forest using sticks for wands, brewed potions, studied in the library, played pranks on Petunia, and swapped ghost stories in a makeshift tent on her bedroom floor. Severus, who saw beyond the popular facade she was known for at school to the secret weirdo who loved to rebel and enjoyed a fascination with dementors not much healthier than his preoccupation with the Dark Arts. How many times had she longed for his presence in moments where she desired his sarcastic quips? She would’ve given anything for him to meet Venon Dursley, for example. How they would’ve snickered behind the curtain of their hair at his thick neck and mustache. The way he crushed her to him now echoed this longing. She felt his hands everywhere – in her hair, fingernails raking across her scalp, down the length of her arms, on the small of her back. The years of Occlumency and self-denial melted away to reveal his true self – this desperate, seething, gasping creature who lapped at her mouth and nipped at her with his teeth. She returned the favor in kind. Her heart swelled, bursting with triumph as he clutched her to him, no longer afraid or shy, giving in to her ploy to coax him out of his self-loathing and stubbornness. Over the years, Severus had demonstrated his love for her in many ways through his Patronus or his many sacrifices, but he rarely said it aloud, if ever. It was a testament to his bravery that he could meet her gaze after so many years of shame and self-reproach, his sallow cheeks flushed from their kiss and eyes bright with fever, and declare his love in his own peculiar way:
“Please don’t ever ask me to let you go.”
James is not a bad person…
James is not a bad person….
Hames is not a bad person…
These seemingly innocuous words haunted Severus long after they were said. Lily’s motives were pure, he knew. She hadn’t meant to strike him with yet another blow. She hadn’t meant to invalidate his years of suffering.. Had he not been so stunned by Lily’s presence, he would’ve argued her point.
But what did it matter? He was dead and she was finally in his arms… but for how long?
Would the tranquility of their most secret childhood hideout fade? A war raged beyond the afterlife, his memories clutched in Harry’s hand. Would he have learned the truth by now? His thoughts boiled over like a cauldron, white-hot with urgency.
“Lily?”
Her head shifted on his chest. He marveled at the way her thick, glossy hair spilled over him like dark red ink. How easy it was to forget the little details – the warmth of her body, the way her voice cracked on the higher notes, the way her nose wrinkled when he made her laugh. Through the Pensieve and the Mirror of Erised, it had been easy to keep her memory alive. Still, she was better this way.
Tangible. Real. Accessible.
He couldn’t stop staring at her. Could hardly bring himself to blink.
“Hmmm?” She murmured sleepily.
She felt safe with him. Him.
This was true power, not what he’d chased in his youth.
“What happens after this?” He asked quietly, his fingernails moving against her scalp. “After…”
After… what? After the reality of their situation set in? Like she’d told him all those years ago, each had gone their separate way. Could they come back from that?
“I don’t want to think about it right now,” she murmured. “Is it too much to ask for one moment of peace?”
It was strange to think Lily had likely experienced little peace herself over the years, watching her son constantly break the rules and risk his life for the sake of Gryffindor bravery. Secretly, he knew it amounted to more than that, but he didn’t want to admit it.
Not yet.
“What about your son?” His dark brow furrowed.
“Time moves differently here,” she explained groggily from their brief nap. Correction, she was the only one who had slept. He’d simply watched her and toyed with her hair as if it were silk. “We won’t miss anything. Do you think Harry has reached the Pensieve by now?”
“I’d rather not know,” Severus muttered bitterly. “To watch the son of my sworn enemy bask in the most excruciating memories of my life…”
Lily fell silent, though she traced light circles on his stomach through his t-shirt that drove him mad.
After a moment, she asked with the utmost tentativeness, “What did you allow him to see?”
“Only what he needed to know,” his heart thudded as his mind and emotions churned. He hesitated before uttering his next confession. “After years of careful consideration, I noticed a trend in our friendship.”
“Oh?” He sensed her brow lift. “And what might that be?”
He paused again.
Hot, uncomfortable emotions rushed to the surface, heady in the wrong sort of way. Regret. The never-ending game of what-if. Now his life was over and he was caught in a dream that was too delicious to be real.
“No matter how hard I tried to impress or please you, I always fell short of the mark. I always disappointed you.”
Lily immediately pushed away from him as though struck, propping herself up on both hands on the leafy ground.
“That’s not true — .” She began to say, but Seveus cut her off.
“What about our first meeting?” He demanded. “You were offended that I called you a witch, even though I said nothing wrong.”
“But you implied that being a Muggle was a bad thing…” Lily trailed off, almost apologetically.
“And the time the branch fell on your sister — .”
“Because you made it happen!”
“And then on the Hogwarts Express, you didn’t want to talk to me.”
“Because snooping around in Petunia’s bedroom and finding that letter caused nothing but trouble!” Lily exclaimed.
“You see?” Severus cried in outrage, much like his wounded teenage self. “I mucked up everything all the time.”
It was Lily’s turn to snort. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that was our entire friendship? Honestly, Sev, have a little more faith in us.”
Us.
That one word painfully wrenched out his insides.
“You have to admit,” he said defensively”, “there was certainly a recurring theme…” Severus trailed off meaningfully, his low voice rife with emotion. “The night you ended our friendship, you said you’d made excuses for me for years, as if I was some kind of burden who could never measure up.”
Lily purses her lips, subdued by his accusation. Her brow puckered and eyes entreated.
“I have my own regrets, too, you know,” she whispered as if someone might eavesdrop on their conversation. “I regret saying you were ungrateful, for blaming you for what James and Sirius tried to do to you. I regret giving up on you. It’s just…” Her knuckles turned white as she tangled them in the long grass. “Has it ever occurred to you that I felt like a failure? That no matter how hard I tried to save you from yourself, you pushed me further away? It was like watching the person I loved most in the world an once thought I understood drowning without being able to help — without knowing how.”
A wild, viscous animal – the one that had thrashed in his chest since his youth – whimpered in pain, the sound long and plaintive. He stared at her, so close – closer than she’d ever been.
Daring to open his mouth, hoping she would see and understand, he said in a low, strangled voice, “James is not a good person, Lily.”
Lily stared at the hands folded politely in her lap. She seemed to wrestle with herself, something internal he couldn’t see. Her lower lip trembled as tears filled her eyes.
“I know,” she raised a pale hand to cover her mouth. “There is good in him, yes. He loves Harry to pieces. At the same time, he abused his privilege, status, and wealth. He lied to me for years. No matter what happened between us, you never lied to me about your intention to join Voldemort. You’re the opposite of James. Where he’s charming and charismatic on the outside, the mask you wear hides so much beauty. James is in part responsible for coming between us, for clouding our understanding of each other. He alienated us – me from my best friend, you from the world. His friends became mine until I knew nothing else.”
The healing magic of her words hypnotized him. Old, festering wounds knitted and scarred over as reminders of another life.
“Are you still with him?” He dated to ask the one question that burned his throat until there was nothing left.
Lily pushed her mass of dark red hair back from her lovely face.
“There have been lots of heated arguments, slung accusations, and disillusionment,” she laughed self-consciously, her nose stuffed. “At this point, Harry is the only thing tethering us, united by our joint mission to watch him succeed. That’s where I’ve seen the best parts of him shine.”
Despite her many reassurances, jealousy still twisted in his chest like a hot knife.
“I’m not ready to go back yet,” he murmured, thinking of the war and all of the complications that awaited them.
“Me neither,” she flashed him a watery, hopeful smile. Her legs unfolded from beneath her with the grace of a doe. “Come on,” she offered an outstretched hand. “Let’s take a trip down memory lane.”
No, he wanted to shake his head adamantly. I want to know more about these accusations you’ve been slinging at Potter. Tell me. Tell me everything.
Instead, he reached for her hand, tangling his fingers with hers, and clambered to his feet with less grace. He wore a worn, ripped Black Sabbath t-shirt, one Lily had gifted him years ago as a joke for when they posed as Muggles, and too-short jeans. Otherwise, he was barefoot.
“Is Merlin’s definition of redemption stuffing me into old Muggle clothes?” He plucked at the hem of his t-shirt, his thin mouth curled in distaste.
Lily tossed back her head and laughed the way he’d always remembered.
“I fancy seeing you this way,” she appraised him. “You look exactly how I remember you before everything got so screwy.”
Some of the tension in his body fled, reassured he wasn't the only one who had regrets and basked in old memories. The carpet of grass beneath his feet was cool and soft, the warmth of her hand reminding him that this wasn’t a dream. She was so achingly real, so close…
“Why are you looking at me that way?” Her voice interrupted his thoughts.
He blinked with a small shake of his head, realizing a moment too late that he was openly staring – or more like gawking.
“Sorry,” he schooled his features and looked away.
She bumped her shoulder against his.
“Don’t be shy, Sev,” she grinned. “I’ve never seen you do it before. I like it. It makes me feel… good.”
His cheeks and ears burned. Oh Merlin, he was a teenager again.
“I used to do it all the time,” he confessed quietly. “When you weren’t looking, of course.”
“James always said he didn’t like the way you looked at me,” Lily mused airily, her green gaze fixed on the pure, golden light slanting through the branches overhead.
Severus hated in his tracks, dislodging his hand from hers. “You talked about me?”
He was incredulous and… he couldn’t name the emotion, other than the tightness in his chest and the churning of his stomach.
Dread.
That was the word.
“More often than he liked,” she nudged the ground with her bare toe, sheepish. “It was hard to avoid talking about you, honestly. He wanted to know about my childhood, my summer breaks and winter holidays, my fondest memories, my darkest secrets. Everywhere I turned… there you were. As hard as I tried to avoid you, I simply couldn’t.”
Severus allowed her explanation to wash over him. Her voice echoed, bouncing off the gnarled tree trunks until it reached his ears, coaxing, rendering him utterly speechless. He fixed her with a certain look, one he never had before, one that communicated his intent.
“Did it make him… jealous?” He enunciated the word with relish.
How often in life had he been able to do this? He moved closer with the same stealth he’d achieved in adulthood, his movements precise and a touch slinky. The intensity of his stare and the low purr of his voice made her blush.
“Horribly,” she whispered.
Her breath caught. Lips parted. Eyes gleamed.
Severus tread closer, slow and methodical the way he was with all things in life but with more finesse and poetry. He backed her against a tree trunk until the tip of his hooked nose was mere inches from her upturned one.
“When did you know for certain you were in love with me?” He asked silkily.
Her chest rose sharply, though no sound issued from her throat.
“It didn’t happen all at once,” she said, bracing herself against the ivy-covered tree trunk. “After I ended things between us, I told myself I didn’t need you anymore… but when Dumbledore said you’d joined the Order at great personal risk – I felt such hope and relief that I could only think of reaching out to you as fast as possible, of reconciliation.”
“But James would’ve never approved of that,” Severus angled his head, his curtain of black hair caressing his shoulders with the subtle movement.
“No,” she shook her head, looking far too innocent and tempting as her fingers curled into the rough bark. “He wouldn’t have liked that at all.”
“Tell me more,” he urged.
He was so close now that she undoubtedly felt his hot breath on her cheek.
“After I died, I watched over you,” her eyes bore into his. “That’s when I learned that you…”
“Have always loved you?”
It was the closest he’d ever come to saying it – at least to her. He usually refrained from the simplicity of those three simple words of ‘I love you’ because they weren’t enough. There was no vessel large enough to contain what he felt for her, the pure rush of watching her fly from the swings or spread out on the leafy ground. His love for her defined as much as consumed him, selfish and selfless all at once.
“Yes,” she grinned slowly, pleased at his words.
“How did that… how did this revelation make you feel?” He asked haltingly. “Disgusted? Repulsed?”
“I was rather surprised, yes, but pleasantly so,” her hands drifted from the bark to his neck, grazing his skin. He suppressed a shiver as her eyes roamed his face the way his always had hers. “More than anything, I felt trapped. I screamed. I tore at my hair and clothes. No matter what I did, you couldn’t hear me. I couldn’t console you the night you learned of my death – .”
“The worst night of my life,” he interjected somberly, remembering with clarity. “The next day, everyone celebrated in the streets, feasting and cavorting like a bunch of bloody fools when I had lost everything.”
Lily kissed the corners of his mouth, one at a time. “I love when you use big words.”
“Don’t patronize me,” he scowled.
She laughed again, her arms twining around his neck. When she pressed her hips flush against his, she gasped as heat flooded his face. Her recognition and understanding, two things he’d craved above all else from her, made his body ache with a desire so fierce, there was little doubt in either of their minds as to the power she wielded over him with her simple utterances of love.
“Sorry,” he choked out.
“No,” her eyes drifted closed as she moved her hips against his, pressing harder and deeper. “You feel… incredible.”
For the first time, sweat beaded along his hairline. “Is that when you hurled accusations at Potter?”
“No,” her voice caught as her expression contorted slightly as if she felt both pleasure and pain. He understood because he felt the same ache, the same longing. “When I learned of the prank Sirius and James tried to pull on you in fifth year, how Dumbledore gave them a mere slap on the wrist, the way James embraced the title of hero… it made me sick. Oh, Sev – .” She cupped his cheeks and kissed all over his face, frantic and sincere. “From that moment on, I understood everything. You had no one to talk to, no one to listen. I admire you for upholding Dumbkledore’s wish to not speak a word of it to anyone, but at what cost? That’s the moment I realized I couldn’t pretend anymore. From then on, I truly, truly understood you and could never go back – .”
Severus screwed his eyes shut to stave off a wave of fresh tears, grabbed her face, and crushed his lips to hers. It was a kiss of desire, yes, but also confirmation, of finally being seen. Not for the first time that one infinitesimal moment, her tears mingled with his. They seeped into his mouth, sweet with a hint of salt. His face flushed from both joy, relief, and sorrow. The pressure in his head was overwhelming, making him dizzy in the most intoxicating way. His fingers stroked her tear-stained cheeks, loving – adoring, even.
I love you, his heart constricted. I love you, I love you, I love you…
Severus kissed her forehead, the tender skin of her eyelids, her cheeks.
“Come on,” he grabbed her hand and dragged her away from the tree.
“Where are we going?” She asked breathlessly.
“There are a few things we should do before we leave,” he gave her a dark, meaningful look.
“Closure?” She asked.
“Perhaps,” he shrugged. “I like to think of it as coming full circle. Those are the best stories, wouldn’t you agree?”
Severus and Lily darted through the forest like twin does, flowers and vines sprouting from the ground everywhere their bare feet touched. The industrial Muggle town of Cokeworth had been transformed into a place of magic, wonder, and possibilities — beauty juxtaposed with grunge. Severus was a fast runner, his lean legs pumping hard. The thud of his footfalls echoed the pounding of her heart. His face was no longer a stark mask, but flushed and eager. For the first time in what felt like ages, he smiled — truly smiled. He reached the old, rickety playground first. Lily doubled over, gasping for breath. It was blistering hot outside. He leaned against the chain-link fence, sweaty and quite out of breath himself.
“Why did you never visit this place?” She straightened once she’d caught her breath. “After my death, I mean.”
Severus made a small, disparaging sound that was not unkind when directed at her.
“Can you imagine a fully grown wizard in billowing black robes loitering around a playground?” He gave her a pointed, sidelong look.
“Good point,” she laughed breathlessly, feeling her cheeks flush with a different kind of heat from the way he looked at her.
There was something so piercing about his gaze. One look contained a lifetime’s worth of meaning.
Severus stared at the clump of bushes he’d once hidden behind, approaching them slowly.
“All that time I watched you…” He trailed off, a strange glint in his eyes. “I would’ve done anything to be friends with you.”
Lily swallowed thickly. Not ‘I would’ve done anything for a friend’ but… ‘I would’ve done anything to be friends with you’. He had never regarded her as something to fill a void, but a person of substance he took a very particular interest in.
“Were you in love with me then?” She asked, stooping to collect a fallen flower in her palm.
She remembered the day she’d performed a special trick for Petunia with the petals moving like a many-lipped oyster. That was the beginning of the end for her relationship with her sister, the day Severus entered her life. She;d once blamed him for eroding that relationship, but not anymore. It was painful to acknowledge that her sister was the one responsible for severing ties, not wanting to be associated with a ‘freak’ if she couldn’t be magical herself. There was so much pain, so much jealousy where Petunia was concerned. Somehow Severus had become the scapegoat, which was a recurring theme in his former life.
Severus nodded mutely, his dark eyes boring holes into the bushes.
“I couldn’t resist such effortless, beautiful magic,” he murmured.
At last, his black eyes found hers, a flicker within his own, some unnameable emotion that tugged on one corner of his mouth. He looked hopeful, terrified, breathless — gliding closer until the tip of his large, sharp nose traced her sweaty hairline, inhaling deeply. The gesture held her in suspense, drawing every string in her body tight. He made a small, pleased sound at the back of his throat — a cross between a moan and a grunt. His tongue flicked out and tasted her sweat, the action stirring something deeply erotic between them.
“You taste good,” he said in a tone of pleasant surprise, his eyes flaring ever so slightly.
She read the eagerness in his face, the flare of desire.
Overcome, Lily brushed past him in her race toward the old swing set that creaked in the summer breeze.
“Come fly with me, Severus!” She called to him as if they were children.
On a day much like this, Severus had watched her fly from the swings without her knowing. She used to pride herself on understanding him better than anyone, but it wasn’t until this moment how blind she’d always been to what lurked beyond the badly cut hair and shabby clothes. Severus, on the other hand, had seen her at her most free and joyous, the light of her soul igniting a fire in him that burned in the darkest moments of his life. The thought made her want to weep as she cradled her bum in the saddle and waited for him to join her. He rushed to comply. They grunted and laughed as they eyed each other, each pumping their legs back and forth as they rose ever higher. He reached the top first, soaring high the way she’d taught him long ago, remaining suspended in mid-air for a moment too long before he drifted back down to the asphalt. He crouched on the ground, one knee drawn up to his chest, as he watched her soar higher. She watched him, her breath ragged as she counted her heartbeats like seconds ticking down to the final call to action.
So much could be said with few words. The way she soared from the swing and slowly drifted down to him proved as much, her white sundress billowing around her hips and legs. He rose slightly as she neared, hypnotized by her descent, and cushioned her fall, her weight knocking him back onto the asphalt — though he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, his breath rasped in his throat as her body crushed his own slender one. His firm, lean hands cradled the backs of her thighs before sliding up to her bum, feeling her through the soft cotton of her bohemian sundress. His lips rooted for hers, sucking and nipping at them greedily with a half-snarl. She felt his hands comb through her thick tresses and hold her tight. He lifted his head off the ground to deepen the kiss, thrilling her to the marrow of her bones with the heat of his mouth, the slickness of his tongue, and the unrelenting hardness of his sinewy body. She felt like a teenager again, discovering the allure of her best and oldest friend. The possibilities of what might have been flooded her mind and heart as he tenderly cupped her cheek, his fingertips stroking and gentle.
“Sev…” She breathed, pulling away long enough to gaze into the depths of a pair of black eyes that no longer resembled tunnels.
He was here, entirely hers, and the pure love and longing in his eyes broke her heart.
His eyes drifted closed as she peppered his face with kisses, as though her touch healed a deep wound that had festered in his soul for years. Absolution. This was what he craved — what she craved, as well.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” she murmured, kissing the shell of his ear before nibbling on his earlobe and the crook of his neck.
Severus let out a bark of laughter that was more disbelieving and strangled than harsh.
“Merlin, it’s hot out here,” she sat back quite suddenly, leaving him disoriented and bereft. She made a point to fan herself. “I’d love nothing more than to take off this dress.”
Too ham-fisted? Perhaps.
But the effect it had on Severus was priceless. His already mottled face flushed that much deeper, his ears glowing like a fire poker, and his eyes snapped open, more alert than a watchdog’s. His Adam’s apple bobbed almost violently.
“Um…” He trailed off, at a loss for words.
It was impossible to suppress her teasing grin, which only seemed to heighten the stakes.
“Oh, come on, Sev,” she tossed her heavy auburn hair in a way she hoped looked tempting and adopted a coy, flirtatious tone. “Be honest. How many times have you imagined me naked?”
Severus groaned and cradled his forehead in both palms.
Lily’s heartbeat quickened with dread. “Have you never…?”
“Of course I have!” He exclaimed harshly, though she knew him well enough to take offense. “I’ve been with others. But not for a long time. After I became a spy for Dumbledore, I didn’t have much time or energy for love. Besides, I just… couldn’t. Not with my role in handing over the Prophecy to the Dark Lord and feeling responsible for… I didn’t think I deserved…”
“What about these other girls?” Lily asked, berating herself for the flare of jealousy in her breast considering he had sacrificed worldly pleasures as essential to life as oxygen out of remorse for his role in her death.
“After we left school, I tried to move on,” he shrugged listlessly, “but the reality of being a Death Eater was so different from what I had envisioned. Delivering the Prophecy to the Dark Lord was not the first moral dilemma I faced. But I still thought about you. All the time, actually. Sometimes I thought about you when I — .” He cut himself off abruptly, but she understood.
He’d thought about her while with other women.
Lily studied her best friend’s face. From the haunted look in his eyes, he was still steeped in anguish and despair. He still blamed himself for all his human failings. During their chase through the forest and antics on the playground, dark, stormy clouds had gathered overhead. A fork of lightning flashed, followed closely by rolling thunder. Neither of them moved as fat raindrops fell from the sky, splashing on her searing skin. She closed her eyes and lifted her chin to the sky as raindrops soaked her hair, lips, and eyelashes. Slowly, she rose and allowed her arms to drift over her head as she spun in a slow circle. It rained harder, soaking her dress, the white cotton clinging to her pale skin.
Steam rose from the asphalt as she danced, slow and ethereal. She felt his eyes on her, but she didn’t care. She wanted him to see everything, to bare herself to him in a way she hadn’t before. She wanted the dim light to filter through her soaked dress, for the curves of her body to stand out in sharp relief in his mind. Locks of hair clung to her cheeks. After a moment, she dared to open her eyes, bright green searing into inky black. Slowly, he clambered to his feet, never taking his eyes off her, not even so much as blinking. Blood pulsed in her veins as his eyes traced her exposed curves and memorized the bare expanse of skin peeking through the transparent cotton. The reservations in his eyes fell away, the shackles loosened. She watched the subtle play of emotion on his face as he cupped her cheeks and slowly raked his fingers through her drenched hair to push it back from her face. He opened his mouth, hesitant and shy, though no sound immediately ushered forth. His tentativeness held her in suspense.
His eyes raked up and down her face one final time before he choked out, “Do you… do you your parents are home?”
@zombiepotter04 Look!
WOW! What an interesting story! The ending holds so many possibilities... ;P
I don't fully believe in life after death, but if there is one, I hope Severus met Lily there. And they are there now together in Eternity. Just like in your fanfic.
It makes me a little sad that James appears throughout the story (I hate him). Tell me, will Lily spend the rest of the time with him, giving Severus really just this one moment (I don't know if I fully understood the translation of your text and if that's what you had in mind)?
I liked your story. Lily could see Severus' true colors, finally! And he didn't have to hide his love for her. This was difficult for him in mortal life.
Have you posted this story somewhere else? Maybe it's worth sharing it, e.g. on fanfiction.net or Ao3? This is so cute Snily...
I also wanted to write that Lily's surprise that Sev could be a virgin is a bit sad. I like it when they are each other's first and only partners. I don't think Sev has ever had another woman in canon.
Quote from Robaku90 on May 16, 2024, 1:16 pmWOW! What an interesting story! The ending holds so many possibilities... ;P I don't fully believe in life after death, but if there is one, I hope Severus met Lily there. And they are there now together in Eternity. Just like in your fanfic. It makes me a little sad that James appears throughout the story (I hate him). Tell me, will Lily spend the rest of the time with him, giving Severus really just this one moment (I don't know if I fully understood the translation of your text and if that's what you had in mind)? I liked your story. Lily could see Severus' true colors, finally! And he didn't have to hide his love for her. This was difficult for him in mortal life. Have you posted this story somewhere else? Maybe it's worth sharing it, e.g. on fanfiction.net or Ao3? This is so cute Snily...
Thank you so much for your feedback! I’m not done with the story yet — I have a few chapters to go! I posted this story on Ao3, so I’ll post the link here. I have one extra chapter on Ao3 I haven’t posted here. I’m really glad you asked these questions because I am going to answer all of them in future chapters. ❤️🔥
Quote from Jungle Jenna on May 16, 2024, 4:15 pmQuote from Robaku90 on May 16, 2024, 1:16 pmWOW! What an interesting story! The ending holds so many possibilities... ;P I don't fully believe in life after death, but if there is one, I hope Severus met Lily there. And they are there now together in Eternity. Just like in your fanfic. It makes me a little sad that James appears throughout the story (I hate him). Tell me, will Lily spend the rest of the time with him, giving Severus really just this one moment (I don't know if I fully understood the translation of your text and if that's what you had in mind)? I liked your story. Lily could see Severus' true colors, finally! And he didn't have to hide his love for her. This was difficult for him in mortal life. Have you posted this story somewhere else? Maybe it's worth sharing it, e.g. on fanfiction.net or Ao3? This is so cute Snily...Thank you so much for your feedback! I’m not done with the story yet — I have a few chapters to go! I posted this story on Ao3, so I’ll post the link here. I have one extra chapter on Ao3 I haven’t posted here. I’m really glad you asked these questions because I am going to answer all of them in future chapters.
It's wonderful! Please send me a link. It is promising!
I am begging you, Lady! Make them stay together forever!
Chapter 4 was wonderful! I love this atmosphere! Maybe you could expand it into a story longer than 5 chapters?
