Quote from CharlotteRhea on March 11, 2024, 2:10 pm

Summary: On her first evening of 5th year, Hermione happens to be out on the grounds when Professor Snape returns from a Death Eater meeting, badly injured. She has to help and has no idea that this one evening will shake up her life.
Characters/Parings: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape, minor Ginny Weasley/Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Minerva McGonagall, Albus Dumbledore
Rating: E
Warnings: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Teacher-Student Relationship (sort of; nothing serious happens before they aren't Teacher/Student anymore), Addiction, Torture, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, (Canonical) Character Death, Additional warnings apply

 

‘Inter Spem et Metum - Between Hope and Fear’ - or ISEM as I resolved to call it - is my oldest Harry Potter fic. When my passion for this fandom grew and I thought about writing with these characters instead of Buffy’s, I quickly found that Severus and Hermione would be my comfort pairing and OTP.

And quickly the plot formed in my head, at least partially. Contrary to today, at that time I had no problem with starting to write a story even though I didn’t know how I wanted it to end. I knew that Hermione should witness more about what Severus was doing for the Order than she was supposed to know. And that she wouldn’t be able to let it go. Today I know that there are probably thousands of Snamione stories with exactly that premise but I didn’t know when I began to write ISEM. Book 6 was just out, we still didn’t know how all of this would end, so it seemed logical to write a story within this setting. Plus I was new to the fandom and positively burning for this plot. ^^

So much so that there were days at which I would write three chapters, all of them about 4k in length. It was an insane experience, I was haunted by the plot, by Severus and Hermione and all I put them through. If it had been possible, I would have written this story in one go, without sleep, without food, without any break whatsoever. I only ever experienced something like that once afterwards but I hope I will again sometime. Writing like that is a bit like being high. ^^

Anyway. I was 20 when I wrote this story and as it is when you’re young and write something you’re really burning for it was a mess. XD My beta at that time was a big help to me, adding some lightness to the overly dramatic story I’d written, putting some blatantly lacking Harry Potter spirit back in. And although it was still far away from perfect even with her help, this story opened the doors to a new fandom for me. I’ve met so many wonderful people through the comments to this story, one of them I’m still in contact with, 15 years later.

For all of these reasons, this story is really close to my heart - and that’s why it was so hard to rediscover it a few years ago.

I’d grown as a person and as an author. I’d been through a hard time, I’d got older, I understood so much better what I had been doing to Severus because suddenly I was almost his age and couldn’t see the romance between him and this Hermione happen anymore. The story became my epitome of cringe - and I wasn’t ready to let it stay that way. I couldn’t chalk it up as a sin of my youth, it just meant too much to me.

And after all, I somehow still liked the plot - but not the way I wrote it. I somehow still liked Hermione and Severus in this plot - but not the way I portrayed them. I saw what would have been possible if I had just been a tad bit more mature when I wrote it. I saw all the possibilities, the drama, the feels and I wanted to fall in love with this story again, just like I’d been in love with it when I wrote it - and so I sat down and revised it. Thoroughly.

I know, the opinions are divided about revising old stories. Some say it is a record of how far I’ve come as an author and I shouldn’t erase it. Some could understand what I resolved to do. Probably because they’d read the story as it was. XD
But anyway, I wouldn’t have let myself be talked out of it. I couldn’t find peace with the story as it had been.

But I admit, I underestimated how much it would need to find peace. I rewrote so much of it… The whole last 20 chapters are written anew because combing through the plot up to a certain point made it almost impossible for me to use anything I initially wrote. It was a hell of a lot of work and more than once I thought about screwing it. I thought about just deleting the story and being done with it. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it and after I’d been more than halfway through I would have been stupid to not go on. But I did it bitching and whining. ^^

And I’m glad I did. I’m so happy with how the story turned out! <3

It’s still not a plot I would write today; I prefer Hermione a bit older and I like to write after the war now. And it still contains some plot points I’m not exactly happy with. But it also has some absolutely wonderful chapters and moments that live in my head rent-free. I did fall in love with this story again and that’s why I decided to translate it. ^^

It was a hell of a lot of work again because the story is 70 chapters long, about 380k words, and one of my longest stories ever. But once again, I’m blessed with an amazing beta and we've been slowly working our way through the story. Now, we're almost done, only eight chapters are missing. And oh, the feels… XD

Although the premise isn’t really new, I think I did a good job of giving it my own touch, sneaking my way through and around canon and making it an enjoyable story. I am once again proud of it and all the work I put into it. And posting it has been a blast so far. I didn't expect so much love for the story, I'm really, really excited to share the last chapters and see how the end will be received.

Oh, and I’m proud of this story pic as well! I did it all by myself, even the photo of the coins I needed to create it. I brought them back home from Denmark on my own and I was really happy that I could put them to use for this story. They are beautiful and just perfect for the meaning these coins have in the story. ^^

Okay, enough babbling. I hope I was able to intrigue you. If so, you find the story here. I post new chapters every Saturday. 😊