Round Robin: The Bond
Severus had arrived at the Leaky Cauldron far too early. His normal calm demeanour had been reduced to nothing as the minutes ticked by, feeling himself grow anxious at the prospect of seeing her again – and he hated himself for it.
This very morning he had received another one of Dumbledore’s owls, baring the news that Lily had requested him to join their conversation. He had secretly hoped that their conversation could have been private, but of course it had been too much to ask. If anything, it was probably for the best, as Dumbledore could protect her in case things got ugly.
Five more minutes. He made his way up to the private room Dumbledore had arranged for them. There was only a table and chairs, and it had the atmosphere of an interrogation room. He supposed that seemed about accurate, considering the circumstances.
Four more minutes. By the creaking of the door he could hear someone entering. The footfall was too heavy for Lily, and too rhythmic for Dumbledore. He was ready to pull out his wand from his sleeve, but it was too late.
‘Expelliarmus!’ he heard an all too familiar voice yell. His wand clattered against the window, and through the door appeared Potter, baring a fire in his eyes Severus had never seen before.
‘What do you want, Potter?’ he asked as calmly as he could.
‘She’ll be here any moment,’ Potter spat, and the quiver in his voice betrayed his pain. ‘I want to make a few things very clear.’
Severus scoffed. ‘What a wonderful marriage that must be,’ he said as he took a step forward, ‘if she doesn’t even know you’re here.’
‘You’ve never consummated this marriage,’ said Potter as he waved his wand around. ‘You filthy Death Eater. There has to be a way to end this. There has to be.’
Severus couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculous display Potter was putting out in front of him, and took another step forward, his chest now touching the tip of Potter’s wand. ‘And who made you believe we never did,’ he spoke in a near whisper. ‘You don’t know her at all.’
‘What do you mean, you’ve –’
With a swift motion of his arm Severus pulled Potter’s wand out of his hand, yelled ‘Accio!’ at his own wand, and pointed both at Potter's throat before he could finish his sentence.
‘I can hear them coming,’ said Severus darkly, and tossed Potter’s wand back to him. ‘Now, get out!’
Potter was still looking at him, but the fire in his eyes was fading, even though the man had his wand back in his hands.
"Go!" Severus hissed as he heard the footsteps coming closer and it seemed as if that was what snapped Potter out of his stupor as the man turned and hurried out of the room and down the corridor, away from the stairs that led up to the rooms.
How many times had Severus wished for such an opportunity during their school days, to get Potter alone and without the help of his friends.
But Severus had grown up, ever since he accepted to work as a spy for Dumbledore, the old man had somehow changed him.
It was interesting to see the differences between the Dark Lord and Dumbledore, but also to see the similarities between the two wizards.
Voldemort saw power in anger and hatred, in the darkness that lies within every man and woman, while Dumbledore saw true power in love and selflessness.
One of the first things the old headmaster tried to teach him was to understand that he could control his magic far better when he was calm and collected, not letting his emotions rule him as they had when he was a student.
Comparing a duel to a game of wizarding chess, only Dumbledore would have thought of that... But it worked, it helped Severus to understand what the old man meant. If he stayed calm and collected during a game of chess, he could predict what his opponent would do and plan his defence and offence accordingly.
What would his life have been like if Albus - the man insisted on being called by his first name now that Severus had graduated and was ready to take on a job as risky as being a spy - had taken an interest in him while he was still a student?
"Shall we wait outside for a moment, Severus?" The old man's voice interrupted his thoughts, and Severus turned to him, looking into sparkling blue eyes.
"You seem to be in deep thought and I wouldn't want us to disturb you." The Headmaster's explanation came before Severus could say a single word.
"It's all right, I don't want to keep you waiting." Severus simply replied with a small nod.
The occupants shuffled to their seat, wooden chairs scrapping the floor and creaking as it protested under their weight. Severus sat at the head of the table, his gaze drifted up to Lily who was sitting at the other end. He relished in the sight of her. Lily was an oasis in a drought he had no idea existed. Too many feelings threatened to surface and he found himself bottling it all as best he could in his throat.
He tore his eyes away, examining the knots of the oak table instead until he was sure he had full control.
Dumbledore cleared his throat. “Since I’ve been brought in as a mediator of sorts perhaps I should be forthright in what topics we should discuss.””
Severus saw Lily shift in her seat from the northern part of his peripheral. There was a creaking outside the door, and in one swift movement Dumbledore raised his wand and warded the door shut. He continued unperturbed.
“You both have a bond.” Dumbledore said seriously. “Based on your vows, it is both a marriage and a life bond.”
There was a gasp.
“What do you mean?”
Severus’ heart lurched at hearing her voice.
Not yet. He breathed in purposefully and let out a long breath, allowing his magic to vanish his feelings away for a different time and lock it in that special place within his mind where most things were hidden away.
“It is as I have said. You are connected by your very lives.”
“No. No.” Lily scooted her chair back when she stood as her magic crackled around her. “I’m sorry but this is too much.”
“But this is your reality now until a solution is found.”
“I will research with you then. You could let me borrow the books you bring back.”
Severus looked up when she slammed her purse on the table.
For the first time she met his eyes, he froze. “I’m sorry, Severus. I’m sure you’re a catch but I can’t live this way.” Her green eyes watered as they widened as if pleading him. “I just can’t.”
“Severus.”
Severus’ attention snapped to Dumbledore.
“It’s time. You must tell her.”
Severus scoffed. Unbelievable. He knew this wasn’t optimal. It would only upset her further.
“Tell me what?” Lily's eyes bounced between the two.
“I’m Dumbledore’s spy.” Severus said softly. “I’m being sent to infiltrate the Death Eaters.”
Lily threw her hands up in the air in defeat. Her mind went blank as soon as those words had left his lips. The Severus she had once known had become a complete stranger. He seemed calm and collected, as if he were forcing down his usual nervous energy, and she could detect no lie in his words.
She felt the tears starting to prickle behind her eyes; her mind travelling back to the day she received the news of her parents death. Wandering around the castle, feeling lost and upset, and ready to hide herself in an abandoned classroom where she could succumb to her own misery. One had materialised in front of her as she paced around the seventh floor corridor, and upon entering she found that she was not alone.
Severus was there too, looking lost, forlorn, and equally upset. No words were spoken between them, but something had ignited a spark that she had never felt before. She remembered his lips being pressed against her own, and the Room had provided them with a comfortable place to rest. She had given herself to him. The most beautiful of all surrenders.
She pulled herself back to the present, and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. ‘I’m glad to hear it,’ she said with a lump in her throat. ‘Not the fact that you’re putting yourself in danger, but for how you’ve chosen despite everything.’
Severus was reluctant to speak. ‘I did it for you,’ he said eventually. ‘Learning about our Bond just complicates matters a bit.’
‘Yeah, I’ll say,’ said Lily, and she couldn’t help but smile a little. ‘Albus, I think I’m ready to have this conversation alone with him.’
Albus smiled and squeezed her hand in reassurance. ‘I’ll be on the other side,’ he said. ‘Go easy on each other. Remember there was once love too.’
Together they watched Albus leave the room, and a heavy silence fell over them. ‘So,’ she said to break the ice. ‘I guess I’m you’re wife.’
‘Something I know you do not wish to be,’ Severus answered stiffly. ‘But I have to know. Out of all people, why Potter? Why him?’
‘I knew you’d bring it up,’ said Lily, waving off his bitter stance. ‘I need the protection, Sev. You probably understand that even more than I do myself.’
Hearing the sound of his nickname felt like a hammer beating up his heart. ‘I do understand,’ he said. ‘But what if I told you all this safety that you seek, only exists in your head? That there is no family name that can shield you from what is to come.’
Lily pursed her lips. “What do you know?”
Severus leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table, interlacing his fingers. Lily felt her body ignite at the posture, her magic rolling restlessly under the surface of her skin. There was something about it that reminded her of the night they unknowingly consummated their marriage. Did this happen because they were alone in the room or was there something more to this bond? Did it affect her magic?
“The Dark- You-Know-Who,” he amended with an uncertain side glance her way, “has already infiltrated Ministry. It’s only a matter of time before it’s taken over completely and when that happens nowhere is safe.”
Lily attempted to ignore her body, in favor of the conversation. “How long?”
“My sources tell me the Death Eaters are in the brink of total control.” His dark eyes dropped to the table in contemplation. “We may be looking at the end of this year at the soonest but not long after that.”
Lily was staring at him so intently that when his coal eyes met hers, she diverted her gaze all while trying to calm her skipping heart.
“What am I going to do,” she mumbled to herself wondering how she was going to continue having a serious conversation if she was going to keep giving herself away by blushing every time he so much as looked at her.
Having apparently heard her, Severus responded. “The best course of action would be to continue as planned and join the Death Eaters. I’m hesitate to do so because if I get caught, your life is forfeit too.”
“Yes,” she said distractedly, “that’s a problem.”
“Lily?”
Lily jumped in her seat, her full attention now on him.
“Are you okay?” Severus asked.
“Yes. Yes.” She fanned her flaming face. “I’m sorry. This is all so much.”
“I understand.” Severus leaned back in his seat, pensive.
“I think you should do it.” Lily rushed to say. “You’re under the same conditions as I am considering I am also putting your life at risk by having joined the Order.”
There was a period of silence that stretched beyond what was usually socially acceptable but Lily was tolerant of the time that passed because of how deep Severus was in thought.
“What if you joined me?”
“Pardon?” Lily blinked.
“What if you spied alongside me and utilized the Dark Lord’s protection?”
‘That’s certainly food for thought,’ said Lily, and couldn’t help but look at his long slender fingers, remembering how they had once caressed her in all the right places. ‘Definitely an idea I cannot answer straight away. Perhaps Albus can help us there, when the time comes.’
‘Thank you for not discarding it as an idiotic proposition,’ said Severus. ‘For now, is there anything that you want from me, or need?’
Lily felt like screaming out that she needed to feel again what she had felt that night when they had tangled up. To feel the very presence of her best friend beside her again. Feel the pulsation of his heart on her own chest, his dark eyes looking right at her from above as his long black hair secluded them from the outside world. ‘Do you still live in Cokeworth?’ she asked.
A scowl appeared on his face. ‘Spinner’s End, as always,’ he answered. ‘You’re more than welcome to knock on my door.’
‘I will,’ said Lily. ‘This bond between us. Your position in this war, as well as mine. Our lives and where we left it...it’s a lot to take in. I had come in here believing that I would be angry at you – but I’m leaving it feeling like I just met you all over again. I just need to reconnect with you again, I think. Now, is there anything you need from me before I leave?’
From the inside of his pocket, Severus pulled up a delicate yet beautiful silver ring and held it up for her to see. ‘It belonged to my mother,’ he said with a smirk. ‘I intend to give it to you.’
Lily couldn’t help but laugh as she looked at the ring. ‘Now there’s that Slytherin cunning I haven’t seen in a very long time,’ she cackled. ‘I know for a fact that you’re only giving this to me to piss off James.’
‘Please grand me the satisfaction of seeing the look on his face as you wear it,’ said Severus, and gestured at her that she should really take the ring from him. ‘I do mean it though. My mother always intended for me to have it if I ever met the woman I wanted to marry. It’s been nearly a decade, so it’s long overdue.’
Lily took the ring from his hands to take a closer look. ‘ I will take it, but I won’t wear it,’ she said as she closed her fist around it. Not yet at least, she thought. ‘Thank you. It’s a very kind gesture.’
When Lily stood, Severus walked her to the door. He opened it to reveal Dumbledore who turned to them with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“I’ll be staying here a while longer.” Dumbledore said looking at Lily.
“Okay,” Lily playfully wagged her fingers at Severus, weaving past Dumbledore, down the corridor and out of sight.
Dumbledore stood in place as if he were waiting for something and Severus wondered if the Headmaster was expecting some sort of prompting from him.
Just to cover his bases Severus announced, “She’s gone.”
As if on cue, Dumbledore pulled out his wand and dragged it upward catching something silvery and shiny. He pulled outward a cloak appeared at the end of his wand but Severus was more interested in what was under it.
“Potter,” he scowled.
The man was petrified in place by a spell. His frames sat crookedly on his face, his hair wildly in disarray. He looked to have been caught in surprise based on the horrified expression on his face.
Dumbledore collected the invisibility cloak and tapped his wand atop of Potter’s head. “Finite Incantatem.”
Potter’s stony disposition melted from head to toe, and he appeared to regain color as well. Before he could say a word, Dumbledore grabbed him by the bend of his elbow and roughly pulling him in.
When Severus closed the door behind him, Potter swiveled in place looking at Dumbledore a bit shaken. “I am so sorry-“
“I have always given you the benefit of the doubt for years.” Dumbledore began, his voice quiet but it sounded irrationally loud in the room. “I’ve rationalized how a young boy could ever get away with all that he was accused of without witnesses.”
Dumbledore raised the cloak to eye level. Potter had the nerve to look ashamed.
“I’ve always written it away the accusations as school rivalry.” He muttered more to himself.
There was a long stretch of silence filled with Potter shuffling his feet standing like he was waiting at the gallows.
Dumbledore’s blue eyes rose, softening in betrayal as he said, “I’m disappointed in you, James.”
Potter’s shoulders fell, his eyes beseeching him to forgive.
“I expected you to have matured beyond this especially now that there are lives at risk.” Dumbledore’s voice tightened. “Your disgusting display today is grounds to remove you from the Order.”
“No!”
“Shall I take your cloak instead?”
Severus had taken a few steps into the room while Dumbledore seemed to be angry with Potter for once. What a difference from their school days, when Severus had always had the impression that the Marauders were Dumbledore's favourites, simply because of their house.
He remembered that many of the Slytherins who had been at Hogwarts with him had assumed that people just couldn't imagine a Gryffindor being the bad guy for once, but then Dumbledore had changed his mind during a long talk a few months ago.
The old Headmaster had opened up about his past, admitting that he had been friends with Grindelwald and had even supported the ideas that Grindelwald had, until something happened that changed Dumbledore's mind about his friend and the goals that this friend had.
Suddenly there was a squeaking sound and Severus turned on his heels, muscles tensed, wand already in hand.
"I have another question..." It had taken a moment for Lily to realise that not only Severus and her former Headmaster were in the room.
"James?" The woman asked in a surprised tone as she walked all the way into the room, the door falling back into place once she was inside. "What are you doing here? You were supposed to be with Sirius and the others, we agreed that only Albus would accompany me."
At that moment, Albus gave him a look that was almost amused.
~Did you forget to put wards on the door?~ Albus asked him, and Severus knew that only he could hear the man. It was a gentle form of Legilimens, one based on trust between the two people using it... And the people needed to know where they could enter each other's minds, it was like a hidden door just to communicate in silence.
~Sorry, I thought she was gone and was a bit surprised after what just happened...~ Severus replied quickly.
But not fast enough, as it was enough time for Lily to notice the cloak and grab it.
"An invisibility cloak?" She asked in surprise, looking from Albus to Severus before her eyes settled on James. "Is this yours James?" She asked in a tone that Severus knew was a warning not to give the wrong answer, but not to lie either.
“Yes,” Dumbledore pressed with a more authoritative tone that had everyone stiffening in place in confusion, “will you be keeping this?”
Potter paled, hands raised in surrender.
“N-No. Take it.” He took a step back as if he were feeling cornered. “I won’t be needing it.”
Dumbledore’s eyes narrowed in suspicion as he pocketed the cloak. “Although I have not forgotten what I’ve discovered today. I am placing my trust in you once more, James. You are on thin ice and your future with the Order is uncertain.”
Dumbledore leaned forward, and Potter seemed to shrink at the proximity.
“If I discover your friends are also involved in your shenanigans, they will suffer the same consequence.” Dumbledore’s voice dropped in octave in warning, Potter’s knees noticeably shook at the intensity of the older man’s gaze. “You will not make me fight an internal battle within the Order while our enemy is at our doorstep. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, sir.”
“I will be having a discussion with your parents.”
Potter looked like he was about to protest but gnashed his teeth together to stop himself. “They’re in poor health, sir.”
“You are still their son and your behavior represents their parenting.” Dumbledore straighten his posture and the tension in the room eased some. “They deserve to know.”
Potter bowed his dejected, nodding weakly. “I’ll take you to them.”
Dumbledore stepped aside and Potter walked ahead of him towards the exit.
“James.” Lily called out with a tone that stated they weren’t done talking yet.
Potter paused and let out a long sigh. “Not now, Lily. We’ll talk later.”
He looked to be considering saying more but he instead resumed walking with Dumbledore following him out.
Lily let out a stressed sigh, seemingly immersed in her own reflection. Severus was hesitant to disturb her lest she turn her ire on him.
She turned to face him anyway, perhaps looking for another challenger to release her anger on.
“Did you know about this?” She asked confrontationally.
Severus didn’t say anything, bewildered by her question.
He had hinted at it before while they were in school but he didn’t know for certain until just recently when Dumbledore himself provided the proof.
As if reading his mind, Lily appeared to deflate. “Of course you did. You told me.”
Lily’s green eyes darkened, appearing stormy and heavy with feeling. “I should apologize. I’m sorry.”
It had been a week since their meeting at the Leaky Cauldron. As Potter and Dumbledore left, their conversation had turned to all the things that happened at Hogwarts, and how both had been in the wrong for it. Much was still left unspoken, but it had cleared the air somewhat, and some of its weight was lifted of their shoulders. Needing some time to think about his proposal for her to turn spy for the Death Eaters, Lily agreed to meet with him again in a week’s time.
The day had come for her arrival. Over the past few days all Severus could do was clean up his house in an attempt to make it look presentable and somewhat inviting. She had planted a kiss on his cheek by the time she left the Leaky Cauldron, and he could still feel the imprint of it glowing on his face. It reminded him of the evening they had spend inside the Room of Requirement. Professor Slughorn had just informed him of his parents’ death. He had wanted to feel relief from it, but that day he realised that he was also truly alone. Not wanting to be seen upset by his peers, he had paced around the seventh floor corridor trying to muster all courage he had to knock on the Fat Lady’s portrait, until a Room appeared out of nowhere.
In defeat, he had wallowed in his own loneliness, when the most unexpected thing happened. Lily had walked in with tears leaking through her fingers. Neither one dared to speak of what was ailing them, but he was convinced the Room had somehow meant to bring them together.
No heartache, pain or past seemed to exist within that space. He had cupped her face with his hands and kissed her in a way that he had dreamed of doing for many years. And she had reciprocated, taking him to a place to lay down, and feel all of her.
A knocking on the door pulled him out of his memory, and breathed in deep to flush out any redness in his face. With his wand at the ready he opened the door, and was met with Lily smiling from ear to ear. He found the ring he had given her on her chest, dangling from a silver chain. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of it.
