JaySM's Challenge Responses
Thank you for another one of your lengthy challenge responses!
Severus leaving the magical world behind after the disastrous end of his fifth year is quite an interesting premise. Tobias seems more or less pleasant as he probably is happy that his son is leaving that nonsense called magic behind and is making himself properly useful. I do wish you had included Eileen's thoughts on the matter as well if she is still around and if not Severus could have at least thought about how she is probably turning in her grave. I also imagined Tobias getting angry that his son is leaving him behind but maybe he's so happy to be rid of the kid that he's ignoring that disrespect for now.
How bad could it be indeed? I dare say that he is better off fighting among muggles than ending up in two wizarding wars.
I do have some editing suggestions, the native speakers here are welcome to comment on them as I have plenty of flaws myself. I also don't have much time so I'll just point out some things.
He rocked to the toe of his boots, stretching out his neck to peer over the file of cars blocking his view until he saw a copper-haired man bobbing in a sea of people on the other side of the road.
Rocking is a forwards and backwards motion, I think what you only tried to describe was Severus simply standing on the tip of his toes to see better. Also the term "file" to refer to a group of cars sounds rather foreign to me, at least I'm not familiar with this word in this context. Also, in this part you repeated the word "boots" in quick succession, it is not a very relevant word and English generally tries to avoid repetition.
Severus let out long shuddered breath, eyes glued to his boots being placed one in front of the other and finding some solace in their predictability.<
Add "a" before long and I would say shuddering breath. I would generally rephrase this as Severus found solace in the predictability of his footsteps, he watched himself place one boot-clad foot on front of the other.
He’s often been told he had a very protective nature and was always been quick to defend what he stood for.
Use "has" instead of "was" here.
Severus stuttered to a stop outside
I would say "came to a halt"
“Christ, you’re fast!” Tobias rudely belted out by way of greeting.
Belted out sounds unfamiliar to me, I would say bellowed
Severus felt his ears reddened in embarrassment
Remove the "ed" from redden
With a date for a medical exam set as well as a potential report date for his training. Severus felt like he forcibly uprooted himself and thrust himself into some type of Twilight Zone.
Instead of a period, I would combime the two sentences and separate them with a comma.
That's all I could comment on.
Made the suggested changes. Thanks!
Challenge 24: Heartbreak
Characters/Pairings: (Child) Snape/Lily
Rating/Warnings: Cringe
It was a sweltering, summer day in Cokeworth. The streets were empty of people with the majority of the residents choosing to stay within their townhomes to find reprieve from the heat outside. At the end of a cobbled street called Spinner’s end, stood a tall, run-down, brick and mortar house with the blinds pulled down appearing abandoned. Compared to its more vibrant color of its neighbors, the house’s dreary grey seem to suck the life away. The paint-chipped door slowly opened to reveal a little boy, no more than eight or nine, expertly sneaking around to close it soundlessly behind him. He angled his ear against the frame and waited a beat as if listening for a sound before jetting to the middle of the street to run alongside the riverbank. He fully extended his right arm to pointlessly hit his fingertips along the railing, making a game out of nothing as he alternated between a run and a skip. He slid down a hill, the tall blades of grass caressing his shins with each step silencing the buzz of summer bugs. He slowed when he reached a line of thick rose bushes, cautiously walking forward to the sound of unfamiliar voices. He peered through the thin branches to look at the playground beyond, shoulder sagging in disappointment to see kids screeching and giggling as they chased each other around the swings.
“Psst, Severus!”
The pale boy jerked his head to his right, leaning slightly back in preparation to run in case it was called for. Upon seeing the auburn-haired girl crouched in her Sunday’s best, Severus dove to her level uncaring if he stained his trousers as he knelt next to her.
He offered her a closed-lip smile, his eyes disappearing behind his cheeks. “Hi, Lily.”
Lily gripped his brown smock-like shirt, shushing him as she pulled him closer. “Lower your voice. I’m not supposed to be out here until evening.”
Severus searched her vibrant green eyes. “What did you do?”
Lily wrinkled her nose in disproval before beckoning him away from the privacy of the rose bush and towards their hideaway overlooking the river. She patted the grass beside her, the area shaded be a large willow tree.
With a freeing breath, Severus plopped himself on her right and fell back onto the grass, stretching himself out. Lily giggled and laid next to him.
A long time passed of them laying there just staring at the sunlight that streamed through the long, droopy leaves of the tree. Severus’ lips were fixed in a soft, content smile as his eyes naturally closed to inhale deeply as if he were committing the feeling to memory.
“Severus?”
“Mmm?”
“Have you ever thought of getting married?”
Severus’ eyes snapped open shifting from left to right wondering to himself whether he heard her right. “Hmm?”
“I was watching the telly and there were two people who were obviously in love with one another but were always torn apart by a series of unfortunate events.” Lily rose to her forearms and looked at him. “I think things would have been easier for them if they just married, then they would have been together forever!
Severus sat up. “What’s this all about?”
“Well,” Lily flushed as she stood up, her eyes drawn to the riverbank below. She fiddled with tips of the leaves of the willow tree, letting a branch rest on her shoulder as she nervously pulled at it. “I don’t want that to happen to me and someone I care about.”
“Lily,” Severus had a sinking feeling in his gut, “are you- is there someone you have in mind?”
“No, I-“ she shook her head appearing to be at war with herself. “Well, yeah. I…I guess I do.”
Severus also found himself shaking his head without meaning to as if he were experiencing a similar war for a different reason, he managed to stop before Lily turned around.
Lily swiped her hands down her dress and played with the hem for a few seconds before dropping it. “You know.”
“No. No, I don’t.” Severus hugged his knees tightly to his chest, bracing himself. “Just tell me Lily, I can take it.”
The challenging tone surprised her and Lily’s eyes searched his. “It’s you, Sev.”
At her words, Severus appeared to have deflated, his shoulders sinking in relief. “Me?”
She shot him a quizzical look before she returned to sit at his side. “Yes, you. Who else?”
Severus relaxed as he adopted a dreamy look, a small crooked smile curled the corner of his lips.
“That’s a yes then, yeah?” Lily probed.
“Yes,” echoed Severus in confusion. “Oh, yeah! Yes, Lily. That’s a definite yes from me.” He grinned.
“Great!” Lily beamed. “I’ve got some ideas on how to do it. I know when you get married there’s a promise and that seems simple enough, but I’ve seen one that’s more permanent from Sean and Andrew. Do you remember them?”
Severus nodded dumbly, trying to make sense of her sudden ramble.
“Good, then you should know they’re thirteen now and know how these things work. They were kind enough to let me borrow this!” Lily pulled out a small switchblade knife, and deftly activated it until the point glinted in the sunlight.
Severus paled, his legs closing defensively.
Lily continued, unconcerned. “Apparently, you can make a promise through spit or blood, and they’ve assured me the more permanent one is blood.”
Severus gave her a guarded look.
Lily bounced in place, “Isn’t this exciting, Sev? We can get married now!”
Severus blinked, slow to catch on. “What now? You want to get married now?”
Her smile faltered. “Don’t you want to?”
“Yeah, eventually.” At the wobbling of her lip, Severus knelt, his hands hovering as if to touch her. “Don’t cry, Lily. I just meant that I don’t know if I would be any good at being married. That seems more like an adult thing to do, doesn’t it?”
“But, Sev,” she whined, “that’s just it. It’s the adults that are trying to separate us. What if they separate us before we become one?”
Severus hesitated before he said, “We can find each other again when we grow up.”
Lily’s eyes shined with unshed tears, “What if we forget each other?”
“I won’t. I won’t ever forget you,” he said almost desperately.
Lily frowned, “Why can’t we try anyway?”
A strange silence befell them. Severus seemingly lost in his thoughts as Lily pleaded him with her big, green eyes.
“O-Okay.” Severus let out a long exhale. “What do I have to do?”
Severus had the smallest suspicion that he was manipulated when her chipper smile quickly returned and she brandished the knife.
“I’ll cut your hand.”
Severus swallowed the lump in his throat. “My hand? Like a potion ingredient?”
“No, silly,” Lily grabbed his hand and yanked it towards her lap when he resisted. “It’ll be a small cut.”
Lily stuck out her tongue in concentration as she touched the tip to his pinky.
Severus leaned back a little scared. “Do you know what you’re doing?”
“Nope!”
Lily applied pressure until a drop of blood collected at the tip.
“There!” She announced proudly before turning the knife to her own pinky and making a matching set there.
She presented her curled pinky finger and upon seeing it Severus intertwined his with hers until the blood meshed and no one could tell who was whose.
As if on cue, Lily began announcing as if from memory, “We are gathered here together to unite Lily Evans and Severus Snape in holy matrimony.”
“Lily, why are you talking so loud? I’m right here.”
Lily shot him a warning look, “Shh!”
She inhaled deeply before continuing, “I, Lily Evans, promise to marry Severus Snape so no one else could ever separate us till death do us part.”
Severus frowned. “I promise to stay married to you even after death.”
Lily’s eyes softened. “Awww, Sev. You’re my best friend too.” She cleared her throat and proclaimed, “by the magic vested in me, I pronounce us… Married!”
A blinding flash of light appeared between them and disappeared seconds later without a trace.
Severus and Lily blinked at each other stunned.
“What was that?” Severus pulled his pinky away and examined his hand. There was no evidence of blood, and the small cut had apparently healed itself.
“I don’t know,” Lily said rotating her own hand. “Wicked! You know what this means, right?”
Lily’s giddiness was contagious and Severus found himself smiling back at her. “We’re married?”
“We’re married,” she squealed excitedly. “I can’t wait to see Tuney’s face when I tell her.”
Lily tugged Severus by the bend of his arm inviting him to stand up with her. A small chuckle escaped him as he she beckoned him to follow her down the hill and through the field that led to her house. Once they reached the intersection, Lily slowed and asked him to wait as she sped the rest of the way home.
Severus made himself comfortable on the pavement, extending his legs out on the road as he leaned back on his palms and waited.
He couldn’t believe it.
He was married.
His mother often asked him if he felt any different every year on his birthday and every year the answer was the same.
But this-this felt different.
He felt important. Lily wanted him. She asked him.
Severus felt like a fizzy drink filled to the brim with happiness as he stared unseeingly at the road in front of him with a toothy smile.
He was a husband now and he felt like he was a part of something, something bigger than him.
Severus didn’t know how long he sat there daydreaming what it would be like to live with Lily and finally kiss her but enough time passed in the hot sun that he stood up to look for shade. He walked only a few steps away when Lily returned out of breath and visibly upset.
“Sev, it’s horrible.” Lily wrapped her arms around his neck, surprising him.
“Lily!” Barked a male voice a distance away.
Severus peered over her shoulder to see a stern, bald-headed man standing in front of Lily’s house openly glaring at him in hostility.
Severus gulped.
“Lily!” The man warned again.
Lily tightened her hug briefly before pulling away.
“Yes, Daddy!” She called out but her eyes remained on Severus. “Petunia told my parents. They say I’m too young to get married and Daddy says he doesn’t want me marrying you,” she added softly.
Severus felt like a fish out of water, incapable of mustering a word of protest or comfort.
Lily tried to remain hopeful, “We can still be friends, even though I know it’s not as permanent as marriage.” Her eyes swelled with tears. “I’m sorry, Sev.”
She wiped her face with the back of her hand and ran back home, brushing past her father who corralled her through the doors.
Severus stood unmoving. Staring at the door of Lily’s house in devastation.
And suddenly, it was like that internal fizzy pop was overflowing and he couldn’t wrap his mind around the emotions that escaped him. His vision blurred as he felt a growing pressure build from his chest and work its way up his throat where it stuck. He let a shuddering breath, and the dam inside him opened and he sobbed as what little remained of his daydream shattered before his very eyes.
This OS reminds me of a story which I skimmed a year or so ago. Lily and Snape exchange marriage vows as kids and perform accidental magic which actually binds them as spouses.
Later, after they reach a certain age (don't remember what exactly it was) they're summoned to the ministry to find out who their soulmate is, Lily's soulmate is James and Severus' soulmate is magic itself. Once Lily and James want to get married, they can't because Lily is already married. That's when she remembers her mock wedding with Severus but I didn't follow the story and that was as much as I read.
This definitely needs a follow up. Imagine their little blood ritual bond thingy has dire consequences in the later part of their lives. Or maybe I am just a little bit evil.
Quote from Dark Angel on October 7, 2023, 6:32 amThis OS reminds me of a story which I skimmed a year or so ago. Lily and Snape exchange marriage vows as kids and perform accidental magic which actually binds them as spouses.
Later, after they reach a certain age (don't remember what exactly it was) they're summoned to the ministry to find out who their soulmate is, Lily's soulmate is James and Severus' soulmate is magic itself. Once Lily and James want to get married, they can't because Lily is already married. That's when she remembers her mock wedding with Severus but I didn't follow the story and that was as much as I read.
That’s disappointing. It’s already a trope?
I wouldn't call it a trope as I have seen it only in that particular story. It's too bad that I only remember the premise; if I had the name or the author in mind, I would share it. But in the story the supposed wedding took place prior to the children going to Hogwarts and it was only one or two paragraphs, the consequences of it were far more important but by the feels of it, it wasn't meant to be a Snily I think. Snape was only in love with magic and Lily wanted to be free to marry her soulmate.
But as with your other one-shots (at this point I'm convinced that you're deliberately teasing us) it can easily be expanded. Some magic happened and you can build a later story on that. Like with the other one, Lily may attempt to marry James but learns that she can't and when she finds out that Severus is her supposed husband she maybe more willing to give him a second chance? Or Snape is prevented from joining the Death Eaters in the first place because of his vows to Lily, etc.
Quote from JaySM on October 7, 2023, 12:18 amChallenge 24: Heartbreak
Characters/Pairings: (Child) Snape/Lily
Rating/Warnings: CringeIt was a sweltering, summer day in Cokeworth. The streets were empty of people with the majority of the residents choosing to stay within their townhomes to find reprieve from the heat outside. At the end of a cobbled street called Spinner’s end, stood a tall, run-down, brick and mortar house with the blinds pulled down appearing abandoned. Compared to its more vibrant color of its neighbors, the house’s dreary grey seem to suck the life away. The paint-chipped door slowly opened to reveal a little boy, no more than eight or nine, expertly sneaking around to close it soundlessly behind him. He angled his ear against the frame and waited a beat as if listening for a sound before jetting to the middle of the street to run alongside the riverbank. He fully extended his right arm to pointlessly hit his fingertips along the railing, making a game out of nothing as he alternated between a run and a skip. He slid down a hill, the tall blades of grass caressing his shins with each step silencing the buzz of summer bugs. He slowed when he reached a line of thick rose bushes, cautiously walking forward to the sound of unfamiliar voices. He peered through the thin branches to look at the playground beyond, shoulder sagging in disappointment to see kids screeching and giggling as they chased each other around the swings.
“Psst, Severus!”
The pale boy jerked his head to his right, leaning slightly back in preparation to run in case it was called for. Upon seeing the auburn-haired girl crouched in her Sunday’s best, Severus dove to her level uncaring if he stained his trousers as he knelt next to her.
He offered her a closed-lip smile, his eyes disappearing behind his cheeks. “Hi, Lily.”
Lily gripped his brown smock-like shirt, shushing him as she pulled him closer. “Lower your voice. I’m not supposed to be out here until evening.”
Severus searched her vibrant green eyes. “What did you do?”
Lily wrinkled her nose in disproval before beckoning him away from the privacy of the rose bush and towards their hideaway overlooking the river. She patted the grass beside her, the area shaded be a large willow tree.
With a freeing breath, Severus plopped himself on her right and fell back onto the grass, stretching himself out. Lily giggled and laid next to him.
A long time passed of them laying there just staring at the sunlight that streamed through the long, droopy leaves of the tree. Severus’ lips were fixed in a soft, content smile as his eyes naturally closed to inhale deeply as if he were committing the feeling to memory.
“Severus?”
“Mmm?”
“Have you ever thought of getting married?”
Severus’ eyes snapped open shifting from left to right wondering to himself whether he heard her right. “Hmm?”
“I was watching the telly and there were two people who were obviously in love with one another but were always torn apart by a series of unfortunate events.” Lily rose to her forearms and looked at him. “I think things would have been easier for them if they just married, then they would have been together forever!
Severus sat up. “What’s this all about?”
“Well,” Lily flushed as she stood up, her eyes drawn to the riverbank below. She fiddled with tips of the leaves of the willow tree, letting a branch rest on her shoulder as she nervously pulled at it. “I don’t want that to happen to me and someone I care about.”
“Lily,” Severus had a sinking feeling in his gut, “are you- is there someone you have in mind?”
“No, I-“ she shook her head appearing to be at war with herself. “Well, yeah. I…I guess I do.”
Severus also found himself shaking his head without meaning to as if he were experiencing a similar war for a different reason, he managed to stop before Lily turned around.
Lily swiped her hands down her dress and played with the hem for a few seconds before dropping it. “You know.”
“No. No, I don’t.” Severus hugged his knees tightly to his chest, bracing himself. “Just tell me Lily, I can take it.”
The challenging tone surprised her and Lily’s eyes searched his. “It’s you, Sev.”
At her words, Severus appeared to have deflated, his shoulders sinking in relief. “Me?”
She shot him a quizzical look before she returned to sit at his side. “Yes, you. Who else?”
Severus relaxed as he adopted a dreamy look, a small crooked smile curled the corner of his lips.
“That’s a yes then, yeah?” Lily probed.
“Yes,” echoed Severus in confusion. “Oh, yeah! Yes, Lily. That’s a definite yes from me.” He grinned.
“Great!” Lily beamed. “I’ve got some ideas on how to do it. I know when you get married there’s a promise and that seems simple enough, but I’ve seen one that’s more permanent from Sean and Andrew. Do you remember them?”
Severus nodded dumbly, trying to make sense of her sudden ramble.
“Good, then you should know they’re thirteen now and know how these things work. They were kind enough to let me borrow this!” Lily pulled out a small switchblade knife, and deftly activated it until the point glinted in the sunlight.
Severus paled, his legs closing defensively.
Lily continued, unconcerned. “Apparently, you can make a promise through spit or blood, and they’ve assured me the more permanent one is blood.”
Severus gave her a guarded look.
Lily bounced in place, “Isn’t this exciting, Sev? We can get married now!”
Severus blinked, slow to catch on. “What now? You want to get married now?”
Her smile faltered. “Don’t you want to?”
“Yeah, eventually.” At the wobbling of her lip, Severus knelt, his hands hovering as if to touch her. “Don’t cry, Lily. I just meant that I don’t know if I would be any good at being married. That seems more like an adult thing to do, doesn’t it?”
“But, Sev,” she whined, “that’s just it. It’s the adults that are trying to separate us. What if they separate us before we become one?”
Severus hesitated before he said, “We can find each other again when we grow up.”
Lily’s eyes shined with unshed tears, “What if we forget each other?”
“I won’t. I won’t ever forget you,” he said almost desperately.
Lily frowned, “Why can’t we try anyway?”
A strange silence befell them. Severus seemingly lost in his thoughts as Lily pleaded him with her big, green eyes.
“O-Okay.” Severus let out a long exhale. “What do I have to do?”
Severus had the smallest suspicion that he was manipulated when her chipper smile quickly returned and she brandished the knife.
“I’ll cut your hand.”
Severus swallowed the lump in his throat. “My hand? Like a potion ingredient?”
“No, silly,” Lily grabbed his hand and yanked it towards her lap when he resisted. “It’ll be a small cut.”
Lily stuck out her tongue in concentration as she touched the tip to his pinky.
Severus leaned back a little scared. “Do you know what you’re doing?”
“Nope!”
Lily applied pressure until a drop of blood collected at the tip.
“There!” She announced proudly before turning the knife to her own pinky and making a matching set there.
She presented her curled pinky finger and upon seeing it Severus intertwined his with hers until the blood meshed and no one could tell who was whose.
As if on cue, Lily began announcing as if from memory, “We are gathered here together to unite Lily Evans and Severus Snape in holy matrimony.”
“Lily, why are you talking so loud? I’m right here.”
Lily shot him a warning look, “Shh!”
She inhaled deeply before continuing, “I, Lily Evans, promise to marry Severus Snape so no one else could ever separate us till death do us part.”
Severus frowned. “I promise to stay married to you even after death.”
Lily’s eyes softened. “Awww, Sev. You’re my best friend too.” She cleared her throat and proclaimed, “by the magic vested in me, I pronounce us… Married!”
A blinding flash of light appeared between them and disappeared seconds later without a trace.
Severus and Lily blinked at each other stunned.
“What was that?” Severus pulled his pinky away and examined his hand. There was no evidence of blood, and the small cut had apparently healed itself.
“I don’t know,” Lily said rotating her own hand. “Wicked! You know what this means, right?”
Lily’s giddiness was contagious and Severus found himself smiling back at her. “We’re married?”
“We’re married,” she squealed excitedly. “I can’t wait to see Tuney’s face when I tell her.”
Lily tugged Severus by the bend of his arm inviting him to stand up with her. A small chuckle escaped him as he she beckoned him to follow her down the hill and through the field that led to her house. Once they reached the intersection, Lily slowed and asked him to wait as she sped the rest of the way home.
Severus made himself comfortable on the pavement, extending his legs out on the road as he leaned back on his palms and waited.
He couldn’t believe it.
He was married.
His mother often asked him if he felt any different every year on his birthday and every year the answer was the same.
But this-this felt different.
He felt important. Lily wanted him. She asked him.
Severus felt like a fizzy drink filled to the brim with happiness as he stared unseeingly at the road in front of him with a toothy smile.
He was a husband now and he felt like he was a part of something, something bigger than him.
Severus didn’t know how long he sat there daydreaming what it would be like to live with Lily and finally kiss her but enough time passed in the hot sun that he stood up to look for shade. He walked only a few steps away when Lily returned out of breath and visibly upset.
“Sev, it’s horrible.” Lily wrapped her arms around his neck, surprising him.
“Lily!” Barked a male voice a distance away.
Severus peered over her shoulder to see a stern, bald-headed man standing in front of Lily’s house openly glaring at him in hostility.
Severus gulped.
“Lily!” The man warned again.
Lily tightened her hug briefly before pulling away.
“Yes, Daddy!” She called out but her eyes remained on Severus. “Petunia told my parents. They say I’m too young to get married and Daddy says he doesn’t want me marrying you,” she added softly.
Severus felt like a fish out of water, incapable of mustering a word of protest or comfort.
Lily tried to remain hopeful, “We can still be friends, even though I know it’s not as permanent as marriage.” Her eyes swelled with tears. “I’m sorry, Sev.”
She wiped her face with the back of her hand and ran back home, brushing past her father who corralled her through the doors.
Severus stood unmoving. Staring at the door of Lily’s house in devastation.
And suddenly, it was like that internal fizzy pop was overflowing and he couldn’t wrap his mind around the emotions that escaped him. His vision blurred as he felt a growing pressure build from his chest and work its way up his throat where it stuck. He let a shuddering breath, and the dam inside him opened and he sobbed as what little remained of his daydream shattered before his very eyes.
I laughed at the warning, but I honestly wouldn't describe this as cringe. I think it's sweet, I found myself smiling while reading it
Quote from Dark Angel on October 8, 2023, 7:52 amI wouldn't call it a trope as I have seen it only in that particular story. It's too bad that I only remember the premise; if I had the name or the author in mind, I would share it. But in the story the supposed wedding took place prior to the children going to Hogwarts and it was only one or two paragraphs, the consequences of it were far more important but by the feels of it, it wasn't meant to be a Snily I think. Snape was only in love with magic and Lily wanted to be free to marry her soulmate.
But as with your other one-shots (at this point I'm convinced that you're deliberately teasing us) it can easily be expanded. Some magic happened and you can build a later story on that. Like with the other one, Lily may attempt to marry James but learns that she can't and when she finds out that Severus is her supposed husband she maybe more willing to give him a second chance? Or Snape is prevented from joining the Death Eaters in the first place because of his vows to Lily, etc.
Wow, those are good ideas. You should write a fanfic about it. 😊
Quote from Salvyus on October 8, 2023, 10:48 amQuote from JaySM on October 7, 2023, 12:18 amChallenge 24: Heartbreak
Characters/Pairings: (Child) Snape/Lily
Rating/Warnings: CringeIt was a sweltering, summer day in Cokeworth. The streets were empty of people with the majority of the residents choosing to stay within their townhomes to find reprieve from the heat outside. At the end of a cobbled street called Spinner’s end, stood a tall, run-down, brick and mortar house with the blinds pulled down appearing abandoned. Compared to its more vibrant color of its neighbors, the house’s dreary grey seem to suck the life away. The paint-chipped door slowly opened to reveal a little boy, no more than eight or nine, expertly sneaking around to close it soundlessly behind him. He angled his ear against the frame and waited a beat as if listening for a sound before jetting to the middle of the street to run alongside the riverbank. He fully extended his right arm to pointlessly hit his fingertips along the railing, making a game out of nothing as he alternated between a run and a skip. He slid down a hill, the tall blades of grass caressing his shins with each step silencing the buzz of summer bugs. He slowed when he reached a line of thick rose bushes, cautiously walking forward to the sound of unfamiliar voices. He peered through the thin branches to look at the playground beyond, shoulder sagging in disappointment to see kids screeching and giggling as they chased each other around the swings.
“Psst, Severus!”
The pale boy jerked his head to his right, leaning slightly back in preparation to run in case it was called for. Upon seeing the auburn-haired girl crouched in her Sunday’s best, Severus dove to her level uncaring if he stained his trousers as he knelt next to her.
He offered her a closed-lip smile, his eyes disappearing behind his cheeks. “Hi, Lily.”
Lily gripped his brown smock-like shirt, shushing him as she pulled him closer. “Lower your voice. I’m not supposed to be out here until evening.”
Severus searched her vibrant green eyes. “What did you do?”
Lily wrinkled her nose in disproval before beckoning him away from the privacy of the rose bush and towards their hideaway overlooking the river. She patted the grass beside her, the area shaded be a large willow tree.
With a freeing breath, Severus plopped himself on her right and fell back onto the grass, stretching himself out. Lily giggled and laid next to him.
A long time passed of them laying there just staring at the sunlight that streamed through the long, droopy leaves of the tree. Severus’ lips were fixed in a soft, content smile as his eyes naturally closed to inhale deeply as if he were committing the feeling to memory.
“Severus?”
“Mmm?”
“Have you ever thought of getting married?”
Severus’ eyes snapped open shifting from left to right wondering to himself whether he heard her right. “Hmm?”
“I was watching the telly and there were two people who were obviously in love with one another but were always torn apart by a series of unfortunate events.” Lily rose to her forearms and looked at him. “I think things would have been easier for them if they just married, then they would have been together forever!
Severus sat up. “What’s this all about?”
“Well,” Lily flushed as she stood up, her eyes drawn to the riverbank below. She fiddled with tips of the leaves of the willow tree, letting a branch rest on her shoulder as she nervously pulled at it. “I don’t want that to happen to me and someone I care about.”
“Lily,” Severus had a sinking feeling in his gut, “are you- is there someone you have in mind?”
“No, I-“ she shook her head appearing to be at war with herself. “Well, yeah. I…I guess I do.”
Severus also found himself shaking his head without meaning to as if he were experiencing a similar war for a different reason, he managed to stop before Lily turned around.
Lily swiped her hands down her dress and played with the hem for a few seconds before dropping it. “You know.”
“No. No, I don’t.” Severus hugged his knees tightly to his chest, bracing himself. “Just tell me Lily, I can take it.”
The challenging tone surprised her and Lily’s eyes searched his. “It’s you, Sev.”
At her words, Severus appeared to have deflated, his shoulders sinking in relief. “Me?”
She shot him a quizzical look before she returned to sit at his side. “Yes, you. Who else?”
Severus relaxed as he adopted a dreamy look, a small crooked smile curled the corner of his lips.
“That’s a yes then, yeah?” Lily probed.
“Yes,” echoed Severus in confusion. “Oh, yeah! Yes, Lily. That’s a definite yes from me.” He grinned.
“Great!” Lily beamed. “I’ve got some ideas on how to do it. I know when you get married there’s a promise and that seems simple enough, but I’ve seen one that’s more permanent from Sean and Andrew. Do you remember them?”
Severus nodded dumbly, trying to make sense of her sudden ramble.
“Good, then you should know they’re thirteen now and know how these things work. They were kind enough to let me borrow this!” Lily pulled out a small switchblade knife, and deftly activated it until the point glinted in the sunlight.
Severus paled, his legs closing defensively.
Lily continued, unconcerned. “Apparently, you can make a promise through spit or blood, and they’ve assured me the more permanent one is blood.”
Severus gave her a guarded look.
Lily bounced in place, “Isn’t this exciting, Sev? We can get married now!”
Severus blinked, slow to catch on. “What now? You want to get married now?”
Her smile faltered. “Don’t you want to?”
“Yeah, eventually.” At the wobbling of her lip, Severus knelt, his hands hovering as if to touch her. “Don’t cry, Lily. I just meant that I don’t know if I would be any good at being married. That seems more like an adult thing to do, doesn’t it?”
“But, Sev,” she whined, “that’s just it. It’s the adults that are trying to separate us. What if they separate us before we become one?”
Severus hesitated before he said, “We can find each other again when we grow up.”
Lily’s eyes shined with unshed tears, “What if we forget each other?”
“I won’t. I won’t ever forget you,” he said almost desperately.
Lily frowned, “Why can’t we try anyway?”
A strange silence befell them. Severus seemingly lost in his thoughts as Lily pleaded him with her big, green eyes.
“O-Okay.” Severus let out a long exhale. “What do I have to do?”
Severus had the smallest suspicion that he was manipulated when her chipper smile quickly returned and she brandished the knife.
“I’ll cut your hand.”
Severus swallowed the lump in his throat. “My hand? Like a potion ingredient?”
“No, silly,” Lily grabbed his hand and yanked it towards her lap when he resisted. “It’ll be a small cut.”
Lily stuck out her tongue in concentration as she touched the tip to his pinky.
Severus leaned back a little scared. “Do you know what you’re doing?”
“Nope!”
Lily applied pressure until a drop of blood collected at the tip.
“There!” She announced proudly before turning the knife to her own pinky and making a matching set there.
She presented her curled pinky finger and upon seeing it Severus intertwined his with hers until the blood meshed and no one could tell who was whose.
As if on cue, Lily began announcing as if from memory, “We are gathered here together to unite Lily Evans and Severus Snape in holy matrimony.”
“Lily, why are you talking so loud? I’m right here.”
Lily shot him a warning look, “Shh!”
She inhaled deeply before continuing, “I, Lily Evans, promise to marry Severus Snape so no one else could ever separate us till death do us part.”
Severus frowned. “I promise to stay married to you even after death.”
Lily’s eyes softened. “Awww, Sev. You’re my best friend too.” She cleared her throat and proclaimed, “by the magic vested in me, I pronounce us… Married!”
A blinding flash of light appeared between them and disappeared seconds later without a trace.
Severus and Lily blinked at each other stunned.
“What was that?” Severus pulled his pinky away and examined his hand. There was no evidence of blood, and the small cut had apparently healed itself.
“I don’t know,” Lily said rotating her own hand. “Wicked! You know what this means, right?”
Lily’s giddiness was contagious and Severus found himself smiling back at her. “We’re married?”
“We’re married,” she squealed excitedly. “I can’t wait to see Tuney’s face when I tell her.”
Lily tugged Severus by the bend of his arm inviting him to stand up with her. A small chuckle escaped him as he she beckoned him to follow her down the hill and through the field that led to her house. Once they reached the intersection, Lily slowed and asked him to wait as she sped the rest of the way home.
Severus made himself comfortable on the pavement, extending his legs out on the road as he leaned back on his palms and waited.
He couldn’t believe it.
He was married.
His mother often asked him if he felt any different every year on his birthday and every year the answer was the same.
But this-this felt different.
He felt important. Lily wanted him. She asked him.
Severus felt like a fizzy drink filled to the brim with happiness as he stared unseeingly at the road in front of him with a toothy smile.
He was a husband now and he felt like he was a part of something, something bigger than him.
Severus didn’t know how long he sat there daydreaming what it would be like to live with Lily and finally kiss her but enough time passed in the hot sun that he stood up to look for shade. He walked only a few steps away when Lily returned out of breath and visibly upset.
“Sev, it’s horrible.” Lily wrapped her arms around his neck, surprising him.
“Lily!” Barked a male voice a distance away.
Severus peered over her shoulder to see a stern, bald-headed man standing in front of Lily’s house openly glaring at him in hostility.
Severus gulped.
“Lily!” The man warned again.
Lily tightened her hug briefly before pulling away.
“Yes, Daddy!” She called out but her eyes remained on Severus. “Petunia told my parents. They say I’m too young to get married and Daddy says he doesn’t want me marrying you,” she added softly.
Severus felt like a fish out of water, incapable of mustering a word of protest or comfort.
Lily tried to remain hopeful, “We can still be friends, even though I know it’s not as permanent as marriage.” Her eyes swelled with tears. “I’m sorry, Sev.”
She wiped her face with the back of her hand and ran back home, brushing past her father who corralled her through the doors.
Severus stood unmoving. Staring at the door of Lily’s house in devastation.
And suddenly, it was like that internal fizzy pop was overflowing and he couldn’t wrap his mind around the emotions that escaped him. His vision blurred as he felt a growing pressure build from his chest and work its way up his throat where it stuck. He let a shuddering breath, and the dam inside him opened and he sobbed as what little remained of his daydream shattered before his very eyes.
I laughed at the warning, but I honestly wouldn't describe this as cringe. I think it's sweet, I found myself smiling while reading it
My writing is pretty cringe to me. I’m glad you enjoyed it though.
This Challenge was more for @Naaga who wanted something not so dark because Severus’ life was already tragic enough.
The next challenge is more @darkangel ‘s preference who wanted me to drag Severus and Lily through the mud. I’ve been writing and rewriting it for a while now. It’s very wordy.
I asked them both what they wanted from a Challenge a month or two ago on Discord and it was just recently that I managed to sit down and actually write it.
@jaysm I liked it and considering dear @darkangel's preferances, you need to put Snape through hell in the challenge dedicated to her. 😹😹
