"The Boy, the Girl, and the Tree" (Severus/Lily + Others) T+
HELLLLLOOO dearest friends,
I finally have my ideas jammed together, haphazardly admittedly, into a patch worked plot!
The Boy, the Girl, and the Tree is my in progress story about Severus Snape, starting from his fifth year and so forth. You can find it here: AO3
Characters/Pairings: Severus/Lily is the main pairing but, Severus will be going through a few relationships in his life. Some not-so healthy (Bellatrix) and some torn from his heart by bad actors (an OC) 🙁
Rating/Warnings: T+ (I'm not skilled in writing situations like that but I will do my best to imply it :D)
Genre: Romance, Angst, Tragedy, Personal Growth, Wands, Guns, Tigers, Oh My!, Happy Ending, Severus will be a father, eventually, in this one
Triggers: I'm not sure how to do a spoiler tab but I feel it's good to give a fair warning. I will be including brief mentions or implications of the following:
- Domestic Abuse
- Sexual Assault
- PTSD
- Murder
Summary:
Our story begins on a warm summer's day, in a small tattered town, in a small tattered house, where a tall tattered boy resided. A sad boy, rendered cold and withered by the whispers of his past actions. Severus Snape laid motionless on his bed, an arm draped over his eyes as he hid from the world. A mirthless chuckle filled the dark room, banished from the sun’s kind light. One could surmise it was by fate, the luck of the draw, or perhaps some divine retribution. Though such thoughts would entertain Severus for much of his boyhood, ultimately, with wisdom forged through trial and much error, he would learn to bear its truth. Severus Snape was not born to be the knight in shining armor, a hero, from the fables his mother would read him. No, certainly not. Men like him, suffering was their company and misery their business. A particularly cruel lesson for Severus the Boy, one that would scar and defeat him. Twisted and blinded by the despair that roared in his heart, the boy would soon find himself a man. A sad man, a man with only brambles and corpses as his company. Acting as the cold blade for twisted ambition, he would soon find himself at the throat of all he held dear.
A tragedy, truly, but predictable. The stars did not align for our dear boy but, perhaps, Severus the Man could be something else. Not a knight with bolstering epic strength, nor a hero with tantalizing charisma, but a sword. The Sword of Damocles that hangs precariously by a horse’s hair.
Ultimately, my goal is to best depict every character as flawed and hypocritical in nature. There's no bashing per say but, I want to depict everyone as human. There's only a handful of purely evil characters (Voldemort being one of them of course), and everyone is a victim of their circumstances. A realistic stance on who everyone is.
Severus, born from a broken and abusive marriage, is put into an environment that is quite literally a rock in a hard place. With the odds stacked against him, I want to show him fighting against the system. Although he'll collect his fair share of scars, he will rise above...eventually.
Bonus points if someone gets the reference in the Title and Summary!
Well done for posting a first attempt. You did a good job of exploring Lily and Snape's emotional rift because of the "Mudblood" incident. Since you asked for any corrections, you'll want to correct the punctuation in your dialogue tags. Let me know if you're not sure what to do. Looking forward to reading more of these tragedies in Snape's life.
Quote from mmlf on February 7, 2024, 11:29 amWell done for posting a first attempt. You did a good job of exploring Lily and Snape's emotional rift because of the "Mudblood" incident. Since you asked for any corrections, you'll want to correct the punctuation in your dialogue tags. Let me know if you're not sure what to do. Looking forward to reading more of these tragedies in Snape's life.
I would be very grateful if you could show me what you mean by that! I remember learning these rules at one point but, I'm not sure anymore.
Do you foresee further installments?
Quote from Robaku90 on March 25, 2024, 4:38 pmDo you foresee further installments?
Of course! I'm hoping to finish chapter 2 sometime early April. The general plot of the chapter is finished, however I've been a bit busy on my end. I really don't wanna rush this exposition butttttt, I have many ideas I'd love to get into immediately.
😀
Quote from Bingus Bongus on March 25, 2024, 11:10 amQuote from mmlf on February 7, 2024, 11:29 amWell done for posting a first attempt. You did a good job of exploring Lily and Snape's emotional rift because of the "Mudblood" incident. Since you asked for any corrections, you'll want to correct the punctuation in your dialogue tags. Let me know if you're not sure what to do. Looking forward to reading more of these tragedies in Snape's life.
I would be very grateful if you could show me what you mean by that! I remember learning these rules at one point but, I'm not sure anymore.
Hello!
Glad to help.
You must use a comma before the final quotation mark, unless you're using an exclamation mark, question mark, or an em-dash.
“Slipped out? It’s too late. I’ve made my excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends… You’ve chosen your way. I’ve chosen mine.” Lily hissed harshly.
The part in red is incorrect, because the sentence actually ends after 'Lily hissed harshly.'
What you should have is:
“Slipped out? It’s too late. I’ve made my excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends… You’ve chosen your way. I’ve chosen mine,” Lily hissed harshly.
You will see that I have now changed your full stop to a comma.
The time when you would need to use a full stop is if you don't have any intention of writing something after the dialogue.
“Slipped out? It’s too late. I’ve made my excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends… You’ve chosen your way. I’ve chosen mine."
In that case, the sentence has ended within the dialogue tag, and a full stop is necessary (unless you want to use a question mark, an exclamation mark, em-dash, ellipses, etc.).
Something like this is correct for an exclamation mark or a question mark:
“Oh my word!” exclaimed the Fat Lady, jostled by the door's extraordinary closure.
But this is wrong:
“Quite a conundrum you two caused, and at this hour.” the Fat Lady said cautiously.
You must use a comma before the second quotation mark. The full stop goes at the end.
Watch out for this:
“Ahem, it’s rather late now. I believe it’s time for you to return to your dormitory. Given your...situation, I won’t report your squandering after hours” the Fat Lady chirped
The comma must be present before the second quotation mark, unless you're using an exclamation mark or a question mark. The sentence ends after 'the Fat Lady chirped', so must have a full stop.
As a side note, for future chapters, consider using 'said' or 'asked' most of the time. If the dialogue is emphatic, then you may not always need to use verbs like 'exclaimed' or 'shouted'.
Let me know whether you have been able to go through all the dialogue in the chapter and correct according to the information above. If something isn't clear, let me know.
Good luck with your future chapters!
I'm loving it! Can't wait for more! Keep up the good work! <3
Quote from Bingus Bongus on March 25, 2024, 10:05 pmQuote from Robaku90 on March 25, 2024, 4:38 pmDo you foresee further installments?Of course! I'm hoping to finish chapter 2 sometime early April. The general plot of the chapter is finished, however I've been a bit busy on my end. I really don't wanna rush this exposition butttttt, I have many ideas I'd love to get into immediately.
Well, hello. It is definitely not early April. As per the usual fallacy of humanity, I've procrastinated on some things that have caught up to me. Fortunately, that's been dealt with and I have time. The next chapter will explore the morning after and the trip back to Cokeworth. I'm not going to give an approximate date because I will jinx myself once more but, it will be soon.
We are patient there. 😃
