Fuck, Marry, Kill: Harry Potter Edition
Fuck Sirius Black, he was called handsome, nothing more than that, the hate fuck concept could be valid here.
Marry James Potter, I would marry him for his money, get him intoxicated to name all his properties and money in my name, poison him and marry Severus Snape with such a nice bonus and have a laugh together for duping James Potter 😹.
Kill Peter Pettigrew, I could only offer him friendship but nothing more than that so unfortunately he has to die.
Lucius Malfoy, Rodolphus Lestrange, Corban Yaxley
- Fuck Peter. I mean yeah, he's the least attractive among the Marauders, but he's also subservient/easy to boss around. I'd demand that he get it over with as quickly as possible just to get him out of the way.
- Marry Sirius. He was attractive, charismatic, and no one could question his loyalty. While I don't like how he treated certain people (particularly Severus), I can see him being a decent husband.
- Kill James. Do I really need to explain this one? 🔪😂
Next up: Gilderoy Lockhart, Remus Lupin, Kingsley Shacklebolt
Fuck Lupin: he can hold a conversation that isn't entirely about his non-existent accolades, but is too manipulative and unstable to want to marry, especially given the way he treated Tonks. Would be interesting to be allowed to see his scars, too.
Marry Kingsley: tbh I don't remember too much about how he's portrayed, but I do remember a smart man who has reasonable priorities, and he seems likeable and loyal. His dangerous job would be a drawback for peace of mind, but that's nothing compared to Lupin's monthly affliction combined with his lack of responsibility.
Kill Gilderoy: need I say more? I cannot stand people who can only talk about themselves, and I cannot stand people who lie often, especially when it hurts others. Combined? Killing him would likely feel cathartic even if I only had a few conversations with him. He may have looks, but if his prowess in bed is as embellished as his adventures he probably Obliviates all the women he's been with to pretend he's actually a good fuck. Ugh
Next 3: Moody, Quirrel, and Crouch Jr.
Quote from Naaga on March 4, 2023, 8:23 amLucius Malfoy, Rodolphus Lestrange, Corban Yaxley
Oh didn't see this one earlier!
Marry Lucius; something about the fact he actually cares (at least a little) about his family makes me think he'd take his duties as a husband seriously, including in the fancy Manor bedchamber. And the money! Nice.
Fuck Rodolfus; he was married to Bella, so he couldn't have been as uninteresting as he appears and I bet he at least has an idea of crazy things to do while fucking; it'd make it interesting!
Kill Yaxley; he's too good at the imperius curse to feel comfortable letting him close to me in any capacity, tbh.
Next 3: Still Moody, Quirrel, and Crouch Jr.
Quote from GlacierValley on March 5, 2023, 2:24 pmHe may have looks, but if his prowess in bed is as embellished as his adventures he probably Obliviates all the women he's been with to pretend he's actually a good fuck. Ugh
Fuck Moody: He was old, experienced guy so he could make it worth my time
Marry Barty Crouch Jr: Smart, rich and handsome, everything I want in a husband.
Kill Quirrel: I don't want anything to do with someone sharing a body with the Snake face.
Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Justin Finch-Fletchley
Fuck Dean Thomas : He is a nice guy, a muggleborn and his actor is handsome. While I won't get into a commited relationship, temporary dating him like Ginny would be good for a while.
Marry Justin Finch-Fletchley : He is easy on eyes and very rich with his comment about going to the Eton College is to be believed. He also joined the DA so he is ideologically a good man who fought for good cause.
Kill Seamus Finnegan : Least interesting of the choices, served as comic relief and antagonistic to Harry in OOTP. Easy choice for the kill.
Founders' battle : Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Salazar Slytherin
Fuck Salazar, he is greatly admired by me and we could've good sessions with our snakes 😹😹. Not marrying him because of his bigoted views which I don't want to pass on.
Marry Rowena, she is my second favourite founder, intelligent, wise and witty. I can marry her and ensure lineage of Ravenclaw continuing while improving her relationship with Helena.
Kill Godric, odd one out and I don't like him much compared to the others. Kudos to seizing his sword after killing him for the nice goblin steel. 😼😼
Bill Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Percy Weasley
I would not fuck, marry, or kill any of those individuals. Give me different options, preferably women for at least two of them.
Dolores Umbridge, Marge Dursley, Peter Pettigrew: take your pick 😹😹
